Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. We provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal. We work to expose sexual predators and their methods of getting into our lives.
Recently I had the pleasure of having breakfast with my friend and colleague, Boz Tchividjian. I’m so thankful for the friendship he and I have developed and while talking he gave me one more reason to be thankful. He brought to my attention something I had not given enough consideration. It’s from his insight this article originated.
We were discussing the reasons behind why I didn’t say something about my abuse and why other survivors don’t tell or speak up while the abuse is occurring. During the conversation I told him something my mom had said to me. He stopped me and said it was important and to say it again.
He asked if there had been any indications to anyone that the abuse that was happening. I told him about one man in my life who had been a positive, male role-model for me. When I was about 13, he was talking with my mom about my abuser (but at this time no one knew) and said, “there’s something that’s not quite right about that guy spending all this time with those boys. I can’t put my finger on it but I know there’s something that’s just not right.” To which my mom said, “If something were going on with David, he would tell me.”
It’s those last four words that bears repeating…“he would tell me”.
My mom and I have a strong and healthy bond. Because my dad was not in the picture for the first 23 years of my life, it resulted in mom and I having lots of time together and the opportunity to forge an incredible relationship that we still have to this day. I would go so far as to say it’s an uncommonly good relationship as parent/child relationships go. I remember while growing up, most of my friends saying at some point, “I just can’t talk to my mom or dad about…”. I never had that issue with my mom. We were always close and always talked about everything. I remember telling her when I had sex for the first time. I told her about the first time I used drugs. When I got arrested for said drugs, it was my mom I called to bail me out. So it’s clear you can see I’ve felt comfortable enough in telling her about the good, the bad and the ugly.
All except for one thing.
And sadly it’s that “one thing” that has resulted in the majority of the misery, struggles and pitfalls of my life.
The point I’m trying to make, is that if I had such a difficult time telling my mom about the abuse, when we were so close, how much more difficult is it for children who don’t feel as close to their parents or feel the freedom to talk with them about anything and everything? Neither my mom, nor anyone else knew about my abuse until 2006.
It’s a mistaken belief that I think most parents have. They believe, as my mom did, that if there were something wrong, their children would let them know about it. Or as I said earlier, “he would tell me”.
It’s a tragic error of belief and one that I hope to reeducate all parents. No matter how close you are, or how strong your relationship, if your child is being sexually abused, it’s almost impossible for them to tell you. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It doesn’t mean you love them any less than other parents. It’s just beyond description how hard it is for those of us who were abused to tell anyone.
The reasons behind the “why” are as many and varied as there are individuals. We’ve discussed them previously here on the TWH blog and will do so more in the future. But for the discussion today, it’s not about the “why”, it’s about acknowledging a false assumption and correcting it.
As I said, my mom genuinely believed if someone were hurting me, I’d tell her. After all, when a student picked on me, or in one case, when a teacher was being hateful to a friend of mine with a speech impediment, I told her about that. So she had no reason to believe otherwise. Except for one important thing, back in the 70’s and 80’s, nobody talked about Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA). Back then, all we were told was, beware of strangers and “stranger danger”. It turns out, “stranger danger” is almost a myth. 90-95% of CSA happens at the hands of someone who is known, trusted and/or loved by the child. And because no one was taking about it, there was no “Oprah’s 200” , or organizations like SNAP – Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, G.R.A.C.E. – Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment, or Together We Heal.
Due to this lack of information and groups whose entire existence is to help survivors of CSA, parents didn’t know what signs to be looking for or signals that their children might be sexually abused. “Grooming” was a term reserved for haircuts and keeping your appearance neat. Now we know better. But sadly, parents are still waiting until it’s too late to discuss CSA with their kids. This is not a one-time conversation to have when they’re 15 or 16. By that time, it’s more likely any abuse has already occurred or is still ongoing.
In order to give your child the best chance to remain safer from sexual predators/pedophiles, parents MUST start young. They must start young and have it become a “normal” part of the routine questions asked of the child’s day. How was your day? How was school? Do you like your teachers? Has anyone made you feel uncomfortable? Has anyone touched you in a place they shouldn’t? And educating your child on what is appropriate touching is essential to the conversation.
Obviously, depending on the age of the child, there are age-appropriate terms and verbiage. But the questions need to be asked, the conversations need to take place, and all of this needs to be done EARLY and OFTEN. If not, we leave our children susceptible to the ploys of predators. We now have plenty of books, pamphlets and resources on how to have these talks with children of all ages. So please take advantage of the information my mom didn’t have, of the resources I didn’t have available. Do this so you lessen the chances of your children enduring the torture, abuse, rape, and resulting decades of emotional, mental and physical struggles. Do this so your children don’t become another statistic like I did, another 1 in 6 boys or 1 in 3 girls.
We have the information now. And now children can trust they will be believed. It’s time to back up all this talk with action. It’s time to prevent childhood sexual abuse and catch these sexual predators/pedophiles before they do any more damage. But it begins at home, it must begin early, and don’t think for one second, “he would tell me”…
We are so honored by our friend, Boz Tchividjian, who has posted the interview he did with me about Together We Heal and what we’re doing to help our fellow survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Please take a moment to read, not just our interview, but all of the inspiring articles Boz has on his site. I cannot thank him enough for the issues he’s confronting head-on within the church and it’s neglect of those abused. We look forward to working together with him and his organization, G.R.A.C.E. http://netgrace.org (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment)
Aristotle taught us that “Fear is pain arising from the anticipation of evil”.
So why do I bring up fear? Because it’s a universal human emotion. And it’s one that survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) either still experience, or did at the time when we were being abused. I remember the pain of my fear. I remember with brutal clarity the shaking of my body, the angst, the sadness, the torture in my heart knowing as nighttime got closer, so also came “that time”. Aristotle’s words ring loud and clear to me. It was the anticipation of the abuse, the anticipation of Frankie Wiley‘s evil ways that I knew were coming that scared me to death. Me, an undersized, little 12 year old who knew the man I trusted as my spiritual leader and male role model, was about to torture me in ways I could never have conceived in my wildest nightmares. I would make excuses to stay up, to avoid the bed at all costs. But in the end, the result was always the same. And no matter which bed I was in, he would get what he wanted.
We’re told as children, “there’s no such thing as monsters”. But survivors of CSA know monsters are all too real, and they are cloaked in the skin of kindness, relatives, teachers, clergy and all manner of those we knew, trusted and loved. That’s what tears apart the lives of those who manage to make it through to adulthood. That’s why so many turn to narcotics, alcohol, promiscuity, or anything else to make us feel loved, or safe or that will give us some level of peace, if only for a moment.
That’s why if we seem, at times, disgusted and angered beyond control, by the disbelief or inaction of those who can do something about it and choose not to, understand this…”To attempt seeing Truth without knowing Falsehood. It is the attempt to see the Light without knowing Darkness. It cannot be.” You see, as children we have seen falsehood at its worst and therefore know truth beyond what we should. So we have little tolerance for those who don’t or won’t see the same truth, the only truth, that the monsters are real and we MUST do something to prevent them from hurting more children.
Frank Herbert, the author of Dune, penned these words, “A world is supported by four things … the learning of the wise, the justice of the great, the prayers of the righteous and the valor of the brave. But all of these are as nothing … without a ruler who knows the art of ruling.”
Right now we don’t see rulers, or should I say leaders, who have the learning, justice, righteousness or bravery to do what should be done. To step up and fight for these children now or for those of us then.
I was reminded not long ago about an animal trick. You’ve heard of animals chewing off a leg to escape a trap? This same person said the difference between animals and humans is that a human would remain in the trap, endure the pain, feigning death that he might evade the trapper and remove a threat to his kind.
And survivors of CSA know about this maneuver. You know what I’m talking about, that trick we would play to be able to endure the torture of sexual abuse. We would lay as still as we could, as quiet as we could, and wait until our “captor” was gone in the hopes of it never happening again, but it always did. And this is where our fear is rooted.
So when we begin to feel fear coming over us, remember this, “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
I cited Herbert again to remind my fellow survivors of the strength we all have. That we have survived this long is amazing. This proves how much inner strength we have and what we are capable of achieving. Or as an unknown author stated, “On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%…and that’s pretty good.”
To quote one of my favorite shows, Downton Abbey, a character named Miss Baxter says to her new found friend Mr. Molseley, “There are things in my past that made me afraid, but I’m not afraid any more. I’m not sure what will happen, but whatever it is, it’s better than being afraid.”
And to those who’ve never been through what we have, we sigh a collective “thank God”. But now we need you to join us in this fight. Those who oppose us are many and powerful and without your help and numbers we won’t be able to get the results needed to protect the children of today and tomorrow.
So be the Dad, the Mom, the parent and the leaders you are all capable of being and help us to protect all children.
As Helen Keller said, “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.”
I did this because what they do is like murdering the soul of a child. Over the last 8 years I have grown increasingly frustrated with the lack of action being taken by lawmakers to protect children from sexual predators like Frankie Wiley.
For far too long pedophiles/sexual predators have been getting away with the murder of the innocence of childhood. What has enabled this, is the inability of a child to speak out against their abusers in the “time allotted” by outdated laws that exist in almost every state in the Union. In most cases, a victim of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) has only a few years to come forward and these pedophiles/sexual predators/monsters know and count on the fact that most children are either too scared or think no one will believe them. By the time they are able to say something, if they ever get to that point, it’s too late legally to prosecute them.
It is beyond the pale that we have sat back and done nothing to protect those that cannot defend themselves. There are just a handful of states with the courage to do just that. It’s called “window legislation” and it allows an additional measure of time to bring justice to those that deserve and for those that are in need. Window Legislation has to become a MUST for ALL STATES if we ever hope to give victims a chance at the justice they deserve. Even more needed is the total elimination of the statute of limitation laws regarding CSA.
As it stands now, most states only give about 5 years either from the time of the incident(s) or from the time the victim turns 18. So at “best case” they have until they are 23 to come forward, or less if it happened younger. Most children do not have the ability to even realize the harm that has befallen them, much less say something about it. Sexual predators know this and it’s why the average offender, if not caught, has approximately 117 victims over the course of their life. (National Crime Statistics).
Together We Heal (TWH) has partnered with Marci A. Hamilton, who is leading the charge to eliminate statute of limitation laws regarding CSA. I would ask of all of you that you do the same. Go to her site: http://sol-reform.com/News/home/ and find out what the law is in your state, then go to your legislature and demand these archaic laws that only protect predators be squashed and laws be put into place that defend those who actually deserve it, our children.
I know that most people, because I was one of them for a long time, believe it’s not their representative standing in the way. “My” local Rep/Sen. is a good person and looks out for their constituents. If this were really true, would these laws still be on the books? I know it’s hard to hear, but the truth usually is. Most all of the current people in Congress are doing little to nothing. And the only thing that will cause them to take action is if we all let them know, either they make the changes needed or we will put in office someone who will. This is the message we must send and it’s the only one they will understand.
Please help us to make the necessary changes needed. We cannot do it without your help. And we cannot allow these sexual predators to keep getting away with murder. It’s in your hands now…what will you do?
Radio Show with David Pittman & Michele Rosenthal – Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
Healing and recovery with regard to childhood sexual abuse (CSA), says David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal (TWH), happens because “Ultimately, you have to make a choice.” For Pittman that choice happened when he was incarcerated for drug possession. Getting clean, facing the truth, healing and founding an organization that provides free counseling is the amazing transformation that David has brought to his life. In this interview we discussed:
David’s incredible story of trauma to triumph
How he cleaned up his act and turned his life around
2 things that help any CSA recovery
3 steps that can help you achieve success
The TWH mission and their “turn no one away” counseling policy
Radio Show Recording with David Pittman and Rachel Grant – January 29th, 2014
The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse
Discovering the Correlation Between Childhood Sexual Abuse and Substance Abuse/Addiction
We cover not only abuse and addiction, but also issues with sexuality, access to counseling, sexual predators grooming kids for abuse, churches that protect sexual predators, creating support groups in your local areas and so much more! Please set aside some time to listen to what I genuinely believe is valuable information for both survivors of childhood sexual abuse and those that love them.
The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse
Discovering the Correlation Between Childhood Sexual Abuse and Substance Abuse/Addiction
Join us for this free 90 minute teleseminar
January 29, 6p PT / 9p ET
Do you struggle with coming to terms with the pain of childhood sexual abuse and facing the demon of addiction at the same time?
Do you ask yourself, “Why me? Why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I was just a kid, why did you do this to me?”
If so, I hope you will join me for this teleseminar with David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal and beyond survivor of sexual abuse and addiction.
During this free 90 minute teleseminar, David will share several positive tools that are necessary for a healthy recovery from both childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse/addiction.
You will learn:
What are some of the greatest challenges faced by survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
What exactly is an “Abused Addict”?
How do you look to the past to give yourself a future?
Who or what is “Together We Heal” and how might they help me?
As a special bonus, David will leave time at the end of his talk to answer your questions, so be sure to join the call live. If you are not able to join us live, go ahead and register and you will receive the recording.
This call is perfect for you if: You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and have struggled with substance abuse/addiction or you want to move forward in your recovery but feel stuck at times and don’t know why.
It is David’s hope and desire for you to be able to come to terms with this simultaneous struggle with childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse. To realize that you CAN overcome the powerlessness you felt having been victimized as a child and give up the thought that you can control your substance abuse. You can make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
I hope you will join David and I for this free event January 29th, 6p PT / 9p ET.
See you there,
Rachel
Please sign me up for the free teleclass
The Abused Addict
After posting my story of childhood sexual abuse, I was asked an important question by a concerned parent. How did this monster get into your life?
The answer is both simple and complex. The easy part is that they don’t have the appearance of a monster. They don’t look like some James Bond or Cartoon character villain, with beady eyes, horns coming out of their heads, or a big neon sign saying, “STAY AWAY, PEDOPHILE HERE!” Sadly, they almost always look like everyone one else. The gentle minister, the encouraging coach, the neighbor always willing to lend a hand or the family member who seems to be there just when you need them.
And this is where the complexity comes in. How do you distinguish genuine care from pure evil? While there are no set in stone answers, there are some clues to look for and ways to evaluate what is going on. And though nothing is fool-proof, I hope it’s at least a start for you to help figure out friend from foe.
One of the most frightening things about pedophiles/sexual predators is that they seem so “normal”. They are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and like-able. And they target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child’s life through their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies. But don’t ever forget, pedophiles are professional con-artists and are experts at getting children and families to trust them. They will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.
So let’s first define exactly what grooming is and then we will go into the steps involved.
Erika Lyn Smith, of the “Missing And Exploited Children Site”, gives a thorough explanation of what we are talking about.
The act of grooming a child involves spending time, energy, and money to make a child and even the parent or parents feel comfortable with the relationship. Only after a trusting relationship is established will the child predator start to become more intrusive and to test the boundaries of the relationship by pushing limits. These violations may include hugging, kissing, tickling, wrestling, and invading a child’s privacy while showering, dressing or toileting.
Initially a pedophile will begin to violate the physical boundaries, by accidentally touching the child through his or her clothes to see what kind of reaction he or she receives. If a child or parent questions the action the predator will likely back off and regain the trust of the child or parents before proceeding.
By befriending the parent or parents, the pedophile gains the trust of everyone in the family. Children are less likely to tell when the relationship turns sexual if the adult is someone he or she knows personally or is a friend of mom or dads. In addition, mom and dad may be less likely to listen to a child when it involves a good friend of the family.
Single parents, especially mother’s will be looking for a positive male role model if there is no father involved. Single mothers are more likely to accept offers from a child’s coach or school for help when offered. All parents needs to be vigilant when it comes to allowing someone access to his or her child, and question friendships or relationships that take up a lot of a child’s free time.
Signs that a pedophile may be grooming your child include:
• Telling a child, he or she is a “special” friend
• Bringing a child special mementos or gifts
• Talking to a child about adult issues like sex or marriage problems
• Giving a child alcohol, cigarettes or drugs
• Inviting a child to spend the night or go camping
A former F.B.I. agent named Kenneth V. Landing wrote about 5 steps he identified as the general process most sexual predators use in grooming children to be their ext victims. Below you will find this listed.
Stage 1: Identifying a Possible Victim
Although pedophiles differ in their “type” regarding age, appearance and gender, all pedophiles will look for a victim who seems in some way vulnerable.
Stage 2: Collecting Information
The next step is for the pedophile to collect as much information on the targeted victim as possible. This is most commonly done through casual conversations with both the child and the parents or caretaker.
Stage 3: Filling a Need
Once the individual has the information he needs, he then becomes part of the child’s life by filling a need. If the victim is poor, for example, the pedophile will provide him/her with expensive toys. If the victim is lonely, the pedophile will act as a friend.
Stage 4: Lowering Inhibitions
The pedophile will then start to lower the child’s inhibitions concerning sexual matters. He may come up with games or activities that involve getting undressed, make sexual comments or show the child pornographic images or pictures.
Stage 5: Initiating the Abuse
At this final stage, the pedophile begins to sexually abuse the child.
Another technique used by these predators is called the 4 “F’s”.
Friendship, Fantasy, Fear and Force.
“Friendship” is built through nurturing a relationship through bonding. The adult will usually give the child gifts, take them on special outings and show them a lot of attention.
Once a child trusts an adult, the adult can influence the child’s attitude regarding sexual behavior. Grooming may include introducing sexual content to the child as an example of what the perpetrator desires and to give the impression that the depicted acts are acceptable. If the child thinks that sex between children and adults is ok, it’s easier for the pedophile to victimize the child.
Then they will introduce “Fantasy”. They will manipulate the child with a false sense of security. They will pay a lot of attention to the child’s problems and personal matters and offer advice and counseling. They will tell the child how much they love them and that they want to have a long term, loving relationship with them.
Once the child has opened up to the pedophile, they will begin to instill “Fear” by threatening to share the child’s secrets with their classmates or their parents. Sometimes they will even threaten the life or safety of the child or of their family and friends It’s all a manipulation tactic to get the child to do what the pedophile wants them to do.
Ultimately, the pedophile uses “Force” to sexually exploit the child.
While these are by no means the only ways sexual predators work their way into ours and our children’s lives, they are at least a beginning place for parents to be on the lookout. The more information you have and the better educated you become, the more you will be able to best protect your kids.
Knowledge truly is power and we cannot give over our power to these heinous criminals. They will use every trick in the book so you have to know what they’re doing. Even more frightening, pedophiles and sexual predators work together to help each other figure out ways to gain access to our kids. Don’t believe it, read this article about a 170 page, “How To” publication put together by and for adults who prey on innocent children. They are making a concerted effort to help each other so we have to be more vigilant, more active and tireless in our work to combat these predators.
I hope this is a good start on helping you to protect your children. God knows I wish my family had been told this when I was a child. Maybe they would have been able to stop my abuse before it began. So please take a page from our family history book, educate yourselves and talk with your kids.
For sometime now I have felt like a “voice in the wilderness” when it comes to exposing the childhood sexual abuse occurring within the confines of the Southern Baptist Church. Since my abuse happened at the hands of a youth minister at a prominent SBC church in suburban Atlanta, I have received nothing but contempt and distain from those in power within the SBC. This man, who admitted to a pastor and deacon that he sexually abused me just keeps getting moved from church to church…sound familiar? And I am not is only victim. 6 others have come forward telling their own story of abuse. These are just the boys I KNOW about, ages ranging from 9 to 15 at the time the abuse occurred. Only God and Frankie know how many little boys he’s actually molested, abused and raped.
His name is Frankie Wiley and currently acts as the “Praise Leader” at Trinity Baptist Church in Ashburn, GA. All I get from the SBC, is that they “will pray for me”, but no one seems to be willing to act on KNOWN pedophiles using their facilities as a hunting ground for new victims. Even the pastor of Trinity, Rodney Brown, knows the truth and refuses to do anything about it. He actually called me and told me “I was a bad person for causing a split in HIS church.” To which I replied, he is the one giving a known pedophile access to children. And the last time I checked, it’s not HIS church, the church is the body of believers, not the man standing in the pulpit. After which, he has given no reply.
The constant rhetoric I am told is that, “each church is autonomous”. The problem with this fallacy is that if each so-called autonomous church doesn’t pay the SBC a certain amount of money, they are not allowed to send “Messengers” (or delegates if you think of it in political terms) to the national convention to vote on issues and help create the platform with which the SBC uses to have guidelines that “rule” over each church. Sound “autonomous” to you?
It has been clear to me for sometime now, and it looks like others are recognizing that the SBC is no better than the Catholic Church when it comes to covering up the pedophiles hiding under the cloak of ministry. Below you will find an article that shows exactly what I’ve been saying for years.
As we have seen in recent news, no religious organization is immune. Childhood sexual abuse occurs in churches, synagogues, mosques, schools, Boy Scouts, etc. We have got to stand up for these children who aren’t able to speak up for themselves. Help us help these children. Demand the immediate removal of known child molesters like Frankie Wiley.
the following account contains descriptions of grooming and sexual abuse.
My name is David Pittman – For 30 years I kept a secret that almost killed me. From the time I was 12 until I was 15, I was sexually abused by a youth minister at Rehoboth Baptist Church in Tucker, Georgia. I was sexually molested and raped. His name is Frankie Wiley, full name Franklin Andrew Wiley. Due to the pathetic statute of limitation laws in Georgia and too many states throughout the USA, he walks free. Until recently he was serving as an associate minister at Trinity Baptist Church in Ashburn, Ga. While he no longer holds an “paid” position at the church, he still has a leadership role as the “Worship Leader” and has access to little boys because the pastor of the church defends him. I have been told they grew up together so he’s allowing this confessed child molester continued access to potential victims of sexual abuse.
In 2006, I found Frankie serving as youth minister at Jodeco Road Baptist Church, where Jerry Light was the Pastor. I contacted Pastor Light and told him my story. He and the Chairman of Deacons, after doing their due diligence, confronted Frankie. Frankie admitted to both men that he had sexually abused me and swore to them I was the only child this happened to. He was allowed to resign. He then went back to get help from a family at a previous church in Flowery Branch, Ga. When they were made aware of the circumstances, they too told him to leave. He returned to his hometown of Ashburn, Ga and got a job with the school as a substitute teacher. When I told the superintendent, Ray Jordan, he allowed Wiley to “resign”. Jordan belongs to the same church as Wiley. Fellow advocates continue to track his activity with children via social media and personal contacts. If you look at his social media pages, he has dozens and dozens of children as “friends”. Unfortunately, the internet has given him a whole new world of potential victims.
There is an important update I need to give you as the reader. I first posted this article in October of 2012, but as of April, 2022, a total of 12 men have come forward, from 4 different churches, whose ages ranged from 9 to 15, that Frankie raped, molested or sexually assaulted in some way prior to, during or after the time he was sexually abusing me. Their words condemn Frankie as a liar, since he told church officials I was the only victim.
Some of their names are Cale Harbour, Christopher Elrod, Ray Harrell and sadly one is now deceased, Andy Harrell (Ray’s big brother). Andy gave me permission to use his name prior to is death in 2012. Unfortunately several others are not in a place of healing and told me “they just can’t talk about it right now” and I know how they feel. It’s how myself, Ray, Cale and Christopher felt for many years. But they reached out to me because they thought all this time they were the only ones and needed to talk to someone who understood what they had been through.
It’s important that you know how Frankie and other sexual predators like him operate. He invites 2-3 boys over to his house for sleepovers. He keeps 1 or 2 in another room and has the other boy stay with him in his bed. This is where the abuse and/or rape takes place. Or he will tell you that several boys are staying over and when you arrive, you are the only one…trapped.
These vultures go after others like me who come from a family of divorce or worse. They take advantage of our vulnerability; a young boy simply wanting attention from a male role model. This is their “play”, also known as “grooming” and it eventually leads to the abuse. God only knows how many victims there actually are-which is why I am writing this.
The Department of Justice tells us that “a male perpetrator who prefers boys and remains uncaught will have approximately 150 victims over the course of his life.” And one young man I mentioned, can no longer speak at all. He died in June 2012. According to what he told me, because of the shame and guilt from being molested by Frankie Wiley, he took drugs to numb the pain, the drugs lowered his ability to make proper decisions, and in the end it cost him his life. It’s clear to me that his death is on the hands of Frankie Wiley.
And since the state of Georgia has a pathetic statute of limitations on child rape, none of us are able to bring him to justice.
I called Kenneth Keene at the Georgia Baptist Convention (now called the Georgia Baptist Mission Board) to inform him of this pedophile using Southern Baptist churches in Georgia as a haven for hunting. His response was to pray for me and say “sorry but each church acts separately and there is nothing we can do.” After two conversations, I tried to tell him that Frankie had moved churches, but he stopped taking my calls and responding to my emails.
And there really isn’t enough time or space here to share how the SBC, SBC EC, GBMB, Augie Boto, Frank Page, Thomas Hammond and many others in those organizations failed me and countless other victims of sexual abuse.
It appears the Southern Baptist Convention and GBMB, as organizations, are following in the footsteps of the Roman Catholic Church. They prefer to deny and cover-up, rather than own up to the evil within. It appears the Southern Baptist Convention and its churches would rather have more children abused, molested and raped, than to be proactive, remove pedophiles from its churches and help victims.
But don’t just take my word for it, multiple organizations have found countless leaders within the Southern Baptist Church who know of instances of abuse and choose to do nothing. Mr. Keene is listed among them.
“The only thing needed for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.” Edmund Burke
How many other adults out there have suffered this atrocity and are unable to bring their abusers to justice due to the insufficient laws held by almost every state in the land? Sexual predators know this and count on it. They count on us not saying anything until it is legally too late. The reason being is most survivors of abuse aren’t capable of acknowledging what happened to them until they are about 52 years old. The statute of limitations in almost every state runs out between the ages of 18 to 23. It’s simple math for sexual predators and the organizations that protect them.
When Dr. Light contacted the pastor of Trinity Baptist, Rodney Brown, with verification that Frankie Wiley admitted to molesting/raping me, he said he would bring it to the church. Brown lied. We had to tell the congregation ourselves. While Frankie is no longer a paid staff member, he is still active with the youth. What they fail to understand is these predators NEVER stop until they are caught and incarcerated or deceased. The deacons and leadership at Trinity are either ignorant, negligent or both in failing to protect the children within their care.
When I sent an email to the parents of Trinity Baptist, after the pastor failed to tell them, he called me and said I was a bad person. Pastor Rodney Brown said I was destroying “his” church, that I caused a split in “his” church. To which I replied, “pastor, first of all, it’s not YOUR church. The “Church” is the people who make up the body of Christ, not the person standing in the pulpit. And who is the bad person here? Me, for letting the parents of Trinity know about an admitted child molester with access to their children, OR YOU,who CHOSE to keep it secret until you were FORCED to admit what I told them was the truth?
And hearing that the church split tells me that half of the people there didn’t agree with you in allowing this sexual predator to continue to be around their children.” Below you will find a link to Trinity Baptist Church where they proudly list Frankie as their worship leader. Is this the type of church you want to send your little boys and feel safe about doing it?
And to any of the people who would deny anything I’ve said, I challenge them to submit to a lie-detector test. I am more than willing to do so and testify under oath. Cale, Christopher and I have the one thing they don’t…the truth.
I wonder how many parents of the children Jerry Sandusky molested wished they had this kind of information. How many little boys would still have their innocence? How many little boys would have been protected? In my view, Rodney Brown is almost WORSE than the pedophile. A pedophile is sick and usually don’t stop until incarcerated or deceased. Rodney Brown, like the administrators at Penn State, or leaders in the Catholic Church, choose to protect the monster in their midst.
My childhood voice was strangled by the rope of molestation. My assailant is free (for now). But with your help, other victims might have the courage to come forward in time to incarcerate these predators. Most survivors have a similar feeling. Feeling trapped and forced to relive the crime in silence. And in too many cases this costs them their lives. Too many have committed suicide because they didn’t have the tools to handle the trauma. Others (including myself) turned to drugs and alcohol to numb their pain (many times ending in an overdose). And even more who are never able to have any kind of life. No loving relationships, no lasting friendships, the loss of any family or support – all due to the pain caused by the crime of abuse, molestation, and rape.
I was told by a GBI (Georgia Bureau of Investigation) investigator in 2006 something that is seared into my mind…”a pedophile is like a serial killer that leaves their victims alive.”
That is truth articulated. Read it again and really think about it. Think about a little child, trapped, unable to fight off the attacks. And then, unlike a murder victim, that little child has to relive each and every assault for the rest of their lives.
Frankie served as a music and/or youth minister at the following churches from the mid to late 70’s to 2011 – if you or anyone you know has concerns or questions, please contact me.
Grace Baptist Church, Gainesville, Ga A Baptist church in Flowery Branch, Ga. Jodeco Road Baptist, Stockbridge, Ga. Trinity Baptist, Ashburn, Ga.
He also worked as a substitute teacher at the local school system in Ashburn, Ga., sometime around 2009-2011.
If you or anyone you know has been sexually abused by Frankie Wiley or by anyone, please reach out to someone. Things are different now. You WILL be believed, you are NOT alone. Please, reach out…there are people you can trust now.
9/25/2013 – Update on the Sexual Predator, Frankie Wiley.
We have a 2013 Update that further validates and reaffirms all we knew. I am posting what ANOTHER victim of Frankie Wiley sent me. You can read it after the ***** marks and my statement about it will follow.
Here is this victim’s story…please read how to this day he feels responsible for what Frankie did to him.
*****
I just wanted to let you know that I too encountered Frankie Wiley in my youth, growing up in Ashburn GA. It was pretty well-known in the ’70s that he was molesting kids. I know of several other boys besides myself during that time. I see you also mention Rodney Brown, and if that is the old Pastor Brown’s son from Sycamore, then he knew about Frankie back then too. I think Rodney was about Frankie’s age, or maybe a few years older, and he and his brother Eddie both knew about Frankie, heck just about everyone in town did. Back then people just called him queer and other names and kind of turned their back, perhaps most not really knowing that he was actually molesting young boys in the church. But all the kids knew. This is when Frankie was in his 20s and he was always involved in leading some kind of youth group. He particularly liked to organize campouts for boys. You get the idea.
At the time when I ended all contact with Frankie, despite his efforts to contact me, I believe he was the Minister of Music at a church in Cordele, GA. That doesn’t seem to be on your list. This would have been somewhere around 1975 or 76. Seems like he was also involved in a church musical group called Maranatha out of Cordele too.
Over the years I’ve looked online to see if he ever got caught or punished, and this website (together-we-heal.org) is the first time I ever found anything mentioning him. Apparently, he still goes UNPUNISHED and UNREFORMED. In my case this was nearly 40 years ago, so that would make him in his mid-60’s now, I think. And he’s probably done the same stuff for 40 years. Even though there were at least 3 incidents I recall, I’ve lived a pretty normal life and been able to cope, I think. I’m sure the scars have caused me some problems, but I’ve never talked about it and never told anyone that I was molested as a child, much less publicly accused Frankie. I’m probably not interested in coming forward now either, after all these years. But after finding this site I had to at least post a note. I’ve put in an email address that will actually reach me, it’s real but anonymized.
If I can provide any information that will help your cause then I’ll consider it, but I’ll probably not make my own identity public. I don’t really want to open up that old wound again, and don’t really want to admit to people who know me that this happened. Yes I was a child, but I feel like I somehow allowed it to happen too, being at a very susceptible age. So I remain ashamed to this day.
*****
Notice how this latest victim coming forward feels responsible for what Frankie did to him? This is why we must protect the children that are currently in harm’s way. Even after being sexually abused, the victim often times feels as though it was something they did to allow it to happen. The ONLY one to blame here is Frankie Wiley! Frankie is the sexual predator. This child did NOTHING to deserve this. Help us support survivors of childhood sexual abuse, educate families about keeping children safer and identifying and prosecuting predators like Wiley.
At one time I thought I was the only person Frankie Wiley sexually molested while I was in the youth group at Rehoboth Baptist Church in Tucker, Ga. But now we know there were more before me, there were others at Rehoboth at the same time as me, and several after at other churches. Today I learned this goes back long before RBC. And this exposes another lie Frankie has told in an attempt to justify his predatory actions. He told me the reason he molested and raped me was because he was raped in seminary. Not that it’s any type of rationale, just the reason he gave. I have also learned this is the type of lie sexual predators make up in order to gain sympathy or early release if incarcerated.
Truth is, he’d been molesting little boys long before that.
Below is a comment posted to the TWH website from a victim of Frankie’s that happened long before Rehoboth and seminary and the cover-up that’s been going on to protect him. This is why we do what we do. To this day, Frankie has access to little boys and we must expose him for what he is.
There are many other “Frankie’s” out there. Please help us name them so we can help those in need receive the healing they desperately deserve!
5/15/2022 – ANOTHER Frankie Wiley/Rodney Brown/Trinity Baptist Church UPDATE
If you recall from this article, there was a time when Wiley was supposedly “fired” from Trinity Baptist Church by Rodney Brown. Well, that wasn’t the truth. Wiley was allowed to resign and quietly leave…for a time.
Wiley tried to join another church in South Georgia. Journey Church in Tifton, Georgia. We were made aware of this, warned the pastor there and they asked him not to come back. But this was just a temporary moment away from church leadership for Wiley.
Sometime during 2021 and 2022, Trinity Baptist Church left the “Cooperation” of the Southern Baptist Convention, and rebranded itself, “Trinity Community Church of Ashburn”. Same Rodney Brown as their pastor, but a different location for the church building. And seemingly most important to them, they are no longer accountable to the SBC for bringing back the admitted child rapist, Frankie Wiley.
Trinity Community Church of Ashburn and Rodney Brown have brought Wiley back into their fold,on to their stage where he is ONCE AGAIN in a position of authority in the minds and eyes of the children and adults of that church. Hard to believe? Don’t believe me? Look them up on Facebook. You’ll find them all right there together!
So all that talk from Rodney Brown about being sorry, for not knowing better, for ridding Wiley from the church to protect the kids under his care. I guess that’s all that was…talk, lies and a PR stunt. Please be sure to refresh your memory of what Brown said not that long ago.
Evidently Rodney Brown’s real belief, which match his actions, is that he couldn’t dump the SBC quick enough in order to get his buddy Wiley back on stage with him.
And just when you thought Wiley couldn’t sink any lower.He is now trying to sell 2 books. One is an autobiography he writes under his own name but fails to mention any of the boys he’s raped for decades. And the other is a “how to worship better” book under a pseudonym. I guess he wants to be able to sell them without anyone knowing who he really is and what he does. Might put a damper on sales if they know you’ve raped little boys.
Please help us expose Wiley so he can no longer profit from the pain of the lives and souls he’s destroyed!What he is doing is the definition of taking God’s name in vain.
I wish this were all some kind of tragic joke. But it’s not. It just gets worse and worse, and these people don’t seem to care what happens to their children.
Together We Heal 