Together We Heal

Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. We provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal. We work to expose sexual predators and their methods of getting into our lives.

Tag Archives: Southern Baptist Convention


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The SBC’s Abuse Cost Us Everything

The first friend I lost who died because of being sexually abused by an SBC pastor was named Andy. He died at age 41, 13 years ago. We grew up together. Like most Southern Baptist church kids, we did everything together back then.

We were at church every day and twice on Sundays. Monday’s were bible study. Tuesday’s were visitation. Wednesday was youth choir and we had Christian rock band that played and then did Bible study. Thursday was FCA. Friday’s we’d usually have a “lock-in,” or watch a Christian themed movie, or some other church related event. Saturday’s we played multiple sports year-round for the church’s teams. Baseball, softball, football, soccer, basketball, you name it, we played it. Our church boasted the “World’s Largest Christian Sports Ministry.” When I say we were at church every day, I wasn’t exaggerating.

Andy and I had something else in common. Little did we know we had the same perpetrator at the same time. Like most of us, he didn’t know how to cope with the pain, shame, and self-blame of being raped by our youth minister. And it cost him his life.

 

Recently we lost Duane. Much has been written, but most will never know the real pain. If you don’t understand how this cost him so much, if you aren’t able to make the connection of his loss to the SBC, then I can’t help you.

 

Jen Lyell died a few days ago. Those of us fortunate enough to have known her, but unfortunate enough to have walked in her shoes; lucky enough to have spent time with her, to have laughed and cried with her…we are grieving beyond comprehension. 

She was kind and gentle, but oh so brilliant and fierce. But not because she wanted to be fierce. She was given no other option by the ruling-class religious leaders of the SBC. Just like the rest of us who’ve been sexually assaulted by members and ministers in the SBC.

She was brave and courageous, but not because she wanted to be. You’re only courageous when you have no other choices. And time after time after time, rapists/pastors/leaders/members of the SBC give us no choice but to stand and speak up. To name the predators and their enablers. To call them out for their crimes.

And this is the cost. It costs us our lives.

Sometimes, like with Jen, it cost an early death. For others, it’s a protracted torturous one.

The way members and leaders of SBC churches have taunted and tormented myself, and how they’ve attacked other victims and survivors even worse, should be a crime.

But make no mistake, it is the cost. And people who don’t see that either don’t want to see it, or are so connected to SBC power that they deny it in hopes of clinging to the money and influence of the SBC.

It’s that simple and that disgusting.

Even now, SBC mouthpieces, pundits, politicians, and perpetual conference-speakers are spewing their typical “thoughts & prayers” garbage. But they didn’t care about Jen then and they damn sure don’t care about her now. They didn’t care about her, or Duane, or Andy, or me, or Christa, or Hannah-Kate, or Jules, or Tiff, or, or, or, or… 

They don’t care about a single one of us. They want what they’ve always wanted. They want their “designated survivors” and insurance-approved, lawyer lackeys to stand on a stage in Dallas and sing their praises, as if they’ve done something to protect kids. And they want those of us who speak out against them, the ones who show the gaping holes in their dog-and-pony shows, to just shut up and go away. No matter how that happens.

That’s why the SBC has its lawyers fight us at every single turn. And they don’t tell you anything about that. They want to drag things out until we either can’t afford to fight it any longer, or until we’re dead. They don’t care which happens first.

Think I’m exaggerating? Ask around. You’ll find I’ve been doing this work for a while. I’m not lying or exaggerating.

Oh they love to preach about the love of Christ. But they don’t practice it. Well, unless that person thinks and looks exactly like they do. As long as they goose-step in line with every word they say.

They also love to preach God’s condemnation. They practice hellfire damnation with surgical precision. That they’ve mastered to the point of cruelty. None of which resembles Jesus.

They post “Christ is King,” “pastor/husband,” “soldier of God”…but nothing from the beatitudes. They’ve got plenty of bogus-macho attitude for God, but show no love for the “least of these.”

And when the full length of timber is pointed out in their eye, they raise unholy hell about the dust in ours. Their tartufferie is beyond the pale.

Speaking of pale, how are those white-washed tombs? Still filled with dead men’s bones? I used to wonder whose bones they were. Now I know. The bones are ours. It’s the remains of every victim they’ve left in their wake. They are like serial killers, with us as their trophies. 

And as I sit here in my grief for yet another victim whose lost their life because of abuse in the SBC, my hope is that those bones and dust are the only reward they’ll ever receive…

Am I bugging you? Do these words on a page make you flinch? Maybe ask yourself why my words seem to bother you more than the countless number of boys and girls being raped by people in SBC churches. Why doesn’t that bother you? Is it because you don’t believe it’s happening in the volume we know it does? Is it because you don’t believe it happens where you live? Or is it because you just don’t believe it at all?

I’m so sorry Jen that they didn’t believe you. I’m so sorry they called you such awful names. I’m sorry they made you lose that which you loved and cared about so much. I’m sorry our conversations couldn’t heal in the ways you needed. I’m sorry our support of each other wasn’t enough.

And I’m sorry that the ones who did all of this to all of us, they aren’t sorry at all.

 


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Abuse Reform? Not So Fast.

by Dave Pittman, with Christa Brown

 

Once again, the powerful have prevailed and the vulnerable cast aside. Such is the way with the Southern Baptist Convention.

The latest version of the sexual abuse task force has released their latest recommendations. This one weaker than the last. And why? Because those in power just want this all to go away. More words that’ll result in no real action. And they’ll place the foxes in charge of the hen house…again.

In the latest communique from the latest version of the sexual abuse task force, they began with self-praise, claiming they “worked aggressively” and “vigorously pursued” priorities and “made substantial progress.” All of that may sound good to the SBC base, and perhaps it keeps the donations flowing, but to us survivors, it sounds as though they’re using some bizarre up-is-down kind of dictionary. In reality, abuse reform progress is nearly non-existent and at best wholly stalled. Worse, the purported “effort” appears to have been designed to fail from the get-go because the volunteer task force never had the resources, support from leadership, or the expertise to accomplish the task.

In other words, from the very start, the SBC was never really serious about reform.

 

After all the self-praise, the task force then went so far as to recognize the most ardent opposers of reform with this statement: “Some have disputed whether the SBC ever faced a crisis at all.” With this line, they embolden and validate those who say abuse isn’t as bad as survivors have been saying.” These words are beyond the pale, and typical.

Next, they outlined their plan for “helping churches.” They’ve put together a packet of information on abuse and have instructed each church to have the following five people review them: pastor, deacon, children’s worker, youth worker, a parent. Having five people watch a PowerPoint or read some materials about abuse does not constitute or create a “culture change” – which is what the ARITF claims the SBC has been going through.

 

There is a culture change occurring in the SBC. But its not for the better. It appears that more often, SBC churches and leadership have pivoted back toward harm rather than forward in protection. Their next recommendation proves this.

Instead of having a database with the most dangerous of sexual predators, the credibly accused, which even the Catholic church lists, they’ve chosen to bow down to powerful voices within the SBC and only include these two categories: Those “convicted of sexual abuse in criminal court” and those “found liable for sexual abuse in civil court.”

Whether an individual falls into one of these two categories can typically be learned by anyone with a basic internet search. These individuals will not clear a background check. So, institutionally listing these does not significantly move the needle toward keeping SBC children safe.

Over and over again, the words “low to no cost” come up as an excuse for why SBC churches say they can’t or won’t be able to address abuse issues. This should tell you how little importance and what a low priority most SBC churches place on the safety of children. They will spend and give hundreds, even thousands per church on things like coffee and flowers. But set aside a little time and money to better protect kids? Evidently that is just not within their budget.

 

Also in this proclamation were these words:

“The church should be the last place abuse occurs and the first place people turn to for safety and care. Turning this vision into a reality requires…deliberate action.”

Of course The Church should be these things. As survivors, we’ve been saying this for decades! Tragically the most deliberate actions by the SBC have been in opposition to abuse reform, and in obstruction to the victims and survivors.

It’s the SBC who has been blocking reform at almost every turn. With every closed-door session, with every lobbying effort to keep status quo the statute of limitations, and most recently with the #AmicusBrief that protects predators and eviscerated survivors legitimate and truthful cases. Do y’all remember what truth is, SBC? Do you remember Jesus saying, “I am the way, the truth…”

 

The consistent adversarial actions by the SBC make SBC churches the last place anyone would turn to for help! And why? Because there’s been no truth in your arguments against survivors or abuse reform.

Another line in the task force recommendations that caught our attention said this: “It is important to underscore that the SBC deliberately has no mechanism for coercing local churches.”

Really? Tell that to the churches with women pastors. Tell that to the pitifully few churches disfellowshipped for harboring sexual predators. When something REALLY matters to the SBC, they most certainly have mechanisms for applying pressure. Your choices reveal to everyone watching that child sexual abuse just doesn’t matter.

 

Oh sure, they love to TALK about it and wave little yellow cards around. But when it comes to taking substantive action – putting real skin in the game – they balk. They blame it on their attorneys or “too high a cost” or anything other than the real reason, which is this: they don’t believe abuse occurs in their churches – and certainly not in any way that represents a “crisis” – and they want to spend their money on anything other than child protection.
That’s the cold, hard reality.

 

A handful of the SBC’s 47,000 churches have sought out legitimate trauma-informed care, education and training about sexual abuse, and we acknowledge those. They are the rare exceptions because they understand what the rest don’t or won’t – that caring for the vulnerable is a mission and ministry of The Church.

 

No doubt many Southern Baptists will refute what we say and insist that they really do care. Pride and self-image may require it of them, or maybe it’s just that denial runs deep. But the next time you hear some SBC person tickling your ears with what you want to hear – that sexual abuse isn’t really a “crisis” – just know that we survivors hear those messages too, and they land hard as false and uncaring.

 

As children, we were both part of the SBC, but after we were repeatedly raped by ministers, we were cast aside. As adults, when we sought help from dozens of church and denominational officials, we were told again and again: “Go away, there’s nothing we can do. But we’ll pray for you.”

The uncaring callousness of that has left us with a lot of skepticism about the performative nature of many Southern Baptist prayers and proclamations of caring. Whatever SBC officials may consider to be “caring” – and however they may be defining that word – it seems like just some abstract self-serving notion in their heads. It has not been caring in action. Far
from it.

 

“For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.”

May Jesus have more mercy on the people of the SBC than the people of the SBC have ever shown to us as #SBCtoo survivors.

 

 

Copyright © 2024 Together We Heal, Inc.


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Money in the God Business

There was a guy I knew, and we attended the same High School and College. We belonged to the same fraternity. His family, like mine, was at church all week long. We went on the same Mission trips, sang in chorus together, on and on I could go but you get it, right? We knew each other really well and were friends. I knew him to be a trustworthy man, so the stories we shared with each other I could trust to be true.

He was a couple of class years ahead of me, so he graduated before I did and went on to The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary for his graduate studies. His entire adult life has been in service at various churches. To this day he is a minister and he’s someone I’d call trustworthy and a good person.

One weekend back in college he returned from SBTS and was telling us about how life at Southern was going. So, it was MUCH to our surprise when he shared this with us…

He was sitting in one of his first classes, and to start the lecture the professor asked, “By a show of hands, who here believes in God?” My friend, of course, raised his hand and had assumed everyone had raised theirs also. Since the professor picked up on something the class did not, he then asked, “By a show of hands, who does not believe in God?”

One lone seminarian raised a hand.

The professor followed up, what I can only imagine is an unusual response, by asking, “If you don’t believe in God, then why are you here?”

The seminarians reply…”Because there’s money in the God business.”

I’ve thought a lot about this over the years. I’ve often wondered which SBC church or churches he ended up leading. I’ve wondered how much money he made in the “God business.” And I’ve wondered just how many MORE were there at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary for the EXACT same reason but failed to answer the professors’ question honestly.

As we look at case after case of abuse in Southern Baptist churches, I wonder how many began or ended up leading churches because of all the money in the “God business.”

I wonder how many began or ended up idolizing the power, The Church, the bible, the control over people, and all the other reasons that leaders would forsake the care of believers and forsake the calling.

There’s no way we get to the place we are now without a lot of leaders sacrificing people for power, ministry for money, and the safety of children for the protection of predators. And there’s no way we get to the place we are now without a lot of followers allowing the leaders to get away with it.

If you are a person of faith who’s active in their faith community, let me ask what this professor asked that young seminarian…

Why are you there?

Are you there for the position in your community? Are you there for the prestige a certain church might bring? Are you there because being there allows you some measure of control over the church and its direction? What is the motivation behind your attendance/membership at your church?

One final question. Who is looking after the safety of the children at your church? If “everyone” isn’t how you answered, then you have the wrong answer.

Why are you there?

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also…

Copyright © 2024 Together We Heal, Inc.


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What are SBC “Good Guys”?

I’ve struggled with the following for a long time…trying to work within the system of the Southern Baptist Convention toward sexual abuse reform.

At every turn, it has felt like 1 fractional step forward, then 10 giant leaps backward. The moments when I’ve felt like one of the “good guys” would rise to leadership, or at a minimum be elevated to a place where something positive might occur, so many things went wrong instead.

Which has led me to wonder…who really are the “good guys”, are there enough “good guys”, and what does that even mean?

Don’t misunderstand, misconstrue or misquote me. I DO know some decent, honorable men and women in SBC churches who have tried to do the right thing, the Christian thing. So what?

Recent actions, not too distant history, and decades of indifference and antagonistic behavior tells anyone paying attention that having some “good guys” doesn’t mean much.

If only this weren’t true, but it is. If only SBC leadership behaved as if sexual abuse in SBC churches was real and critically in need of reform, but they do not. If only the SBC Messengers wishes were followed, but they were not.

As I heard a long time ago, “If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a very Merry Christmas.”

I can name a handful of those SBC “good guys.” I consider some of them friends.

But for every 1 of them, I can list countless others who are sexual predators, enablers of perpetrators, or are flat-out fighting sexual abuse reform in the SBC with every fiber of their being.

For every 1 “good guy”, there are countless others meaning harm

And maybe worst of all, there are all the other “good guys” who don’t have the courage to stand up against the crimes and criminals in the SBC. Their silence is deafening. Their failure to force the issue is soul-crushing and innocence-ending.

We can debate the “why’s” of SBC failures till the cows come home. Power, money, polity, whatever. In the end, does the WHY matter? What does matter, is that they DON’T. The abject failures of the SBC to protect children and their perpetual defense of predators continues merrily along.

I, and so many others, have given all we have to offer guidance and solutions. We’ve given our blood, sweat, tears and souls. It’s not that they don’t have the answers, they do! But their response? To backstab victims of sexual abuse every chance they get. The latest being the amicus filed.

Despite all of this, many of us continue the work of educating churches and caring for our fellow survivors. 

As I’ve said before, I don’t do this because I believe the SBC, Catholic, or other religious institutions will change, because I don’t. 

So why do I still work with churches? Because sitting in those pews are survivors/victims in dire need to know they aren’t alone. And because I still believe in the rare few individuals who want to help and are willing to act. I do it for THEM, not the institutions.

My dear friend Christa Brown expressed it this way:

“For me, the answer is simple: I believe truth is a moral force in the universe. By speaking truth out loud, we refuse complicity with falsity, injustice and oppression.”

“By speaking truth out loud, we affirm the human dignity of those who have been abused within this faith group — abused not only by the sexual violence of pastors but also by the gaslighting, coverups, duplicity and disparagement of so many others in SBC leadership.”

Good guys? Those two words are almost ridiculous to utter in this conversation. I don’t want to know who the “good guys” are. I just want some decent humans who will protect children, hold predators and their enablers accountable, and ACT like Jesus called His followers to behave.


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The Truth About Trinity Baptist Church

On the May 2nd edition of Tom Ascol’s show “The Sword and The Trowel”, he chose to platform and promote the career of Pastor Mike Stone. Stone is running for President of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Mike Stone attempted to use the case of Trinity Baptist church in Ashburn Georgia as the prime example of why his approach, to the sexual abuse crisis in the Southern Baptist Convention, is the best.

Here is my response…


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Third Time’s The Charm?

“Third time’s the charm”, that’s what we’re told, right? On their third attempt to honor the wishes of Messengers, the Southern Baptist Convention’s Executive Committee voted 44 to 31 to waive attorney-client privilege (albeit in a VERY limited manner) and agree to the contract with Guidepost to begin the investigation on sexual abuse.

But let’s be honest, this is not an investigation on all cases of sexual abuse within the SBC. It’s only about the last 20 years and only within the SBC EC. Is there already a documented case of libel regarding a case of sexual abuse? Yes. And will there be more cases of cover-ups/abuse/etc.? Most certainly. But now, only because of waving ACP is there the remotest of chances to get to the truth.

And it almost didn’t happen.

I watched the entire session. Well, the ones that weren’t behind closed doors. And it was clear there was a division within the ranks. Both sides offered passionate arguments that they BOTH genuinely believe. And that’s the hard part to take as a survivor of sexual abuse perpetrated by an SBC minister.

Phyllis Inghram all but said when she quoted Matthew 10:16, that we the victims of sexual abuse, had created a “hostile environment” and called US the wolves in sheep’s clothing. She said “they” needed to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

REALLY?

Were they all being harmless when Jen Lyell was slandered by the SBC EC and many of the SBC members?

Were they being harmless when they called Christa Brown evil?

Were they being harmless when they told me, “Sorry, nothing we can do for you or to stop a known sexual predator, but we’ll pray for you.”?

Yes, I know Ms. Inghram has resigned from the EC, but does it matter now? Her words cut like a knife to my soul, and I wasn’t the only one she impaled.

Even now, because of the SBC’s and Georgia Baptist Mission Board’s failures, a KNOWN, ADMITTED sexual predator is back at a church and trying to sell books about how to be better at worship. Going so far as to ask for media interviews to promote said books and asking if one would make a good movie.

This would be a ridiculously absurd joke if it wasn’t a cold, disgusting fact.

Joe Knott, attorney, and EC member said these things:

He went into great detail about law and order. Explained to us how God created the United States and its laws for our protection. Explained to us how law and order was from God. As if we needed his explanation on law on order.

Was he insinuating that a vote to waive ACP is a vote against God? Sure sounded like it.

He went on to say, “Laws are to restrain evil. Laws come from God.”

So what are we as survivors of sexual abuse? Are we the evil in need of restraint in this narrative of his? And what about the laws broken when we were molested and raped? Do those not count in his perspective?

He continued, “What we are about to do is create chaos.”

So now WE are the ones creating chaos? What about the chaos of 3 decades of my life because none cared to hear my story or stop a predator? And I am not the only one. Now there is an admission from my abuser and from several other victims who’ve come forward to say it happened to them also.

Said Knott, “There may not be a Convention to face”.

Again, a convention before a soul? One single soul? It’s ridiculous.

As Dr. Diane Langberg said at the SBC Caring Well event, “Jesus was not crucified for our systems.”

And over the last 3 weeks we’ve heard these things ad nauseum, “This will void our insurance” & “All advice we received is against waiving privilege”.

The attorneys hired by the SBC EC were only presenting one side. They were only giving one argument. There were no attorneys asked to give the alternative argument. Even though Rachael Denhollander was posting publicly in every place she could WHY they could and should waive privilege.

I also kept hearing the arguments against waiving privilege being about “loss”. Loss of insurance. Loss of fiduciary responsibility. Loss of money. Loss of a Convention.

You know what I didn’t hear? Not one single time?

The concern for what victims of sexual abuse have lost.

Victims of sexual abuse have lost their way, their identity, lost our minds. We’ve lost jobs, families and in far too many cases, our lives. Suicide, overdoses, premature deaths from trauma.

And what about the souls lost because of sexual abuse? Isn’t that what the SBC is supposed to care the most about? And yet predators and their enablers have made it so there’s no way many victims would ever again be receptive to God. What about THAT loss?

When they broke from their last private Executive session, in which I am sure every single attorney gave their hardest (possibly intimidating), attempt to persuade against waiving privilege, there is an immediate motion made to replace the Wellman motion.

At the last minute there was a clear intent, by using Roberts Rules of Order (parliamentary rules), to confuse and frustrate members in order to defeat the motion put forward by Jared Wellman.

But thankfully, pastor Rolland Slade took a moment, gathered good information and was able to get the EC back on track. The final vote being 44 to waive and 31 against.

It’s a win but not a big win. And certainly not anywhere near getting the SBC and all its churches and members to a place where sexual abuse is actively worked against, victims are properly helped with trauma-informed care and predators are named, exposed, and forever prohibited from serving in any SBC church or any conceivable entity with ties to the SBC.

A former SBC VP said just one day after the vote, that the efforts made by survivors to persuade EC members to waive ACP were “online attacks against good men and women…Carnal, ungodly & evil…the ends never justify the means.”

Really Mr. former 2nd VP? We are carnal, ungodly, and evil? This folks, is the battle we face in ridding the SBC from sexual predators and their enablers.

There’s a long way to go.

#SBCtoo

Copyright © 2021 Together We Heal, Inc.


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When will Rhetoric become Reality?

(Southern Baptist Convention, we’re talking to you)

Delegates at the Southern Baptist Convention’s annual meeting this summer voted overwhelmingly to create a task force to oversee an independent investigation into the denomination’s handling of sexual abuse.

The resolution calls for the newly elected SBC president, Alabama pastor Ed Litton, to appoint the task force, which will head up a review of allegations that the denomination’s Executive Committee mishandled abuse cases, intimidated victims and advocates and resisted reforms.

And from the floor of the Convention, something happened I never believed would have. Someone, other than his victims, was finally willing to publicly name the person that molested and raped myself and many other little boys.

Pastor Troy Bush said this:

“What we did not know then, we know now.  And what we know should be important to Southern Baptists, especially Georgia Baptists.

We didn’t know Franklin “Frankie” Andrew Wiley, a student minister who served our church family, Rehoboth Baptist Church, Tucker, GA, in the early 1980s had molested 5 of our boys. We also didn’t know he sexually abused other boys at other Georgia Baptist churches before and after his time at Rehoboth.

We now know the names of each boy he assaulted in our church family. We know he assaulted 10 boys at 4 different Georgia Baptist churches. We know he assaulted an eleventh boy not in one of the churches. And we have credible-but-unconfirmed reports of 2 other boys at a Georgia Baptist church. We know that 3 weeks ago he served with the worship team of another Georgia Baptist church in a Sunday morning worship service.”

Sounds like positive steps, right?

It got me thinking about how long a-day coming this has been. For at least 40 years Wiley has been doing this to little boys. 15 years ago, I went to the SBC and Georgia Baptist Mission Board (GBMB) and told them. I was told by Kenneth Keene to be quiet and that they’d pray for me. This summer it was finally, publicly acknowledged from the floor of the Annual Meeting. And so, we waited to see what actions would be taken.

Since the time of the annual meeting, the following has transpired with the Sexual Abuse Task Force (SATF).

  1. They’ve been mired in who will pay for the investigation.
  2. The organization that has been mentioned to do the investigation, Guidepost Solutions LLC, seems to be more well known for defending predators than protecting victims.
  3.  The supposed “broad” investigation will NOT cover individual church cases, only the Executive Committee.
  4. The SATF has formally requested “the Executive Committee to vote to waive attorney-client privilege”.  Don’t hold your breath on this one. It’s going to be CYA in the SBC as per usual.
  5. We are told by the SATF, “We will be able to obtain expert recommendations for the Messengers to consider acting on, to help provide care for survivors of sexual abuse and respond appropriately to, allegations of abuse or mishandling abuse in the SBC. This, in turn, has a direct impact on abuse prevention.”

Really? You think so? This quote, much like the itinerary outlined by Guidepost, has a lot of great sounding words. But words are just that, words. Static, and exactly like the SBC has been toward victims of abuse…nonoperational.

How are victims supposed to trust this investigation with Guidepost Solutions reputation? How exactly are they going to accomplish this without a way to pay for it? Without being able to investigate ALL cases and without being able to waive attorney-client privilege so that truth is revealed? It’s beginning to appear, once again, that the Southern Baptist Convention put on a “dog and pony show” for the media, gullible members, and victims desperate for any measure of justice.

More words and still no substantive action.

The actions of the SBC towards victims of sexual abuse, historically and consistently, have been at best apathetic or at worst, vitriolic. It is actions that reveal the heart. James told us, “As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.”

“Whoever sees their brother or sister in need and closes their heart against him or her, how does the love of God abide in them? Let us not love with word or tongue, but with deed and truth.” (1 John 3)

Where is Jesus in your actions, SBC?

“I’m sorry” means nothing. We must SEE repentance. You must ACT restoratively.

What we know is this: Any words spoken, no matter how true, are not real unless they are incarnated.

A criticism we hear as advocates is, “why do you bring up the past”, or “it seems like you only live in the past, only bring up the failures of the past.”

Well folks, let me quote a wise saying, “Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it.” And I believe Winston Churchill selected the appropriate word when he said “condemned”. Especially when you consider what Jesus said about those who cause children to stumble. Jesus condemned them in totality.

That is why we “keep bringing it up”.

We expose the past to help those living with the pain in the present. We help those with pain in the present with the goal of preventing it in the future.

If you can’t understand that, or refuse to learn this, then do us all a favor and stop acting as though you care.

Because the only people we can really work with, the only people who can truly serve the vulnerable, are those who will admit, lament and repent.

Those who will sacrifice for and serve those in pain. Those who will work their tails off to not let this happen again, no matter who commits these crimes.

A few days ago I learned that the person who molested and raped me and countless other little boys all across the state of Georgia has been welcomed back into a church that we thought had learned its lesson.

Guess what? The joke’s on us!

This church, which initially and with arrogance, stood beside him and said he was repentant. They said they believed in him. They then went on to say, we’re sorry we were wrong, and asked him to resign once the Southern Baptist Convention hinted at disfellowship. (Which in realty meant less funds from the national convention treasury). Once everything had died down in the press (and the predator had been run off from TWO other churches) he slithered his way back to his “home church” where deacons and members posted publicly to him, “It’s so good to see you back”, “your church loves you” and “welcome home love you”.

As you’ve already learned, this person is an admitted child molester. He has shown no repentance or remorse. And yet this church and these people welcome him with open arms and once again place their children in harm’s way. All I could think of when hearing this was the story of the “Scorpion and the Frog.”

A scorpion wants to cross a river but cannot swim, so it asks a frog to carry it across. The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion argues that if it did that, they would both drown. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. The frog lets the scorpion climb on its back and begins to swim. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: “I couldn’t help it. It’s in my nature.”

When this sexual predator harms another child, and they always do, please don’t be surprised. He’s a scorpion, it’s in his nature.

So people wonder why I talk about sexual abuse all the time?

Whether I wanted it or not it has become my role, as Finley Peter Dunne once said, to “comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” The answer to why we do this is simple and heartbreaking, “because the people that should, won’t.”

I guess the real questions are these: Will the SBC take actual steps to protect children? Will the SBC help those already harmed find a path toward healing that is victim focused, not institution centered? And will the SBC take the necessary steps to prevent the predators in their midst from molesting and raping others?

SBC Executive Committee and Sexual Abuse Task Force…what will be your answers?

When will all this rhetoric about facing sexual abuse within the SBC become reality? We’re still waiting…

Copyright © 2021 Together We Heal, Inc.


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The Truth About Sexual Abuse within the Southern Baptist Church

At last the truth is made known in the national media. At last predators like the one who murdered the innocence of my childhood and derailed my life for decades can no longer hide behind a church wall and pastor’s robe. And as you will read, our stories are not the exception, they are the rule. To abuse, deny, cover-up, victim shame and silence has been the “MO” for decades. Mine and countless others. I know most of you have probably read Part 1 of this story, but we are posting all 3 parts here so you can grasp the totality of the reach of sexual abuse within the SBC.

Please read, share, and then call your Pastor and DEMAND that change, REAL change be made. No more lip service. No more platitudes. This is not a Catholic problem. This is a HUMAN PROBLEM that exists in every denomination. Sexual predators use the church because people of faith are more trusting and forgiving and this is turned against them and used in evil, manipulating ways.

We must strike while the iron is hot and before it gets buried in the next news cycle. Please don’t let anymore time pass. Don’t assume someone else will speak to your church leadership. This is up to you now…

Part 1:

https://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/investigations/article/Southern-Baptist-sexual-abuse-spreads-as-leaders-13588038.php

Part 2:

https://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/investigations/article/Southern-Baptist-churches-hired-ministers-accused-13588233.php

Part 3:

https://www.houstonchronicle.com/news/investigations/article/All-too-often-Southern-Baptist-youth-pastors-13588292.php


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Will the Southern Baptist Church Finally Live What It Preaches?

This week Together We Heal, as an organization, and myself, David Pittman as an individual, have joined forces with Justice For Anne, For A Time Such As This & several fellow advocates. Together we have issued a statement that was most perfectly articulated by fellow advocate Ryan Ashton:

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“If you please, read the joint statement myself and fellow abuse survivors and advocates delivered to the president of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) yesterday regarding their announcement of a sexual abuse study group:

“We all have a decision—to become more polarized and distrustful of one another, hide, build barriers, and perpetuate numerous injustices. Or we can face this evil together, choosing to create a culture where healing and safety are the norm, where love and compassion dwell, where children and families flourish, and the hope of the gospel maintains its integrity. We sign with that hope, committed to a future where no one in the Church has to say “Me Too” ever again.”

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Everything we do at Together We Heal and GRACE is because of the past and current failures of those within the church to better protect children and properly respond to those who’ve been harmed. It is our hope that the SBC will begin to live up to the call of Christ they espouse and not be just another one of those “cast to the bottom of the sea with a millstone around their neck”.

If not now, then when? If not us, then who?

The time is long overdue. The ball is in your court SBC leaders and church members. Do you truly believe the scripture you preach and teach? Then BE THE VOICE OF THE VOICELESS and quit giving lip service and protecting sexual predators.

The world, and Christ, is watching…

You can read the full statement here:

https://www.forsuchatimeasthisrally.com/inthenews/a-joint-statement-regarding-the-sbc-sexual-abuse-presidential-study-group


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Why Do We Only Put Up Traffic Lights After a Tragedy

Impotent Georgia Act Protects Sexual Predators, Baptist & Catholic Churches and the Insurance companies that underwrite their policies.

Usually when my wife and I travel to Atlanta it’s for visiting friends and family. Atlanta is where we grew up, were high-school sweethearts and eventually where we wed. (Even if it did take me over 25 years to muster the courage to ask her to marry me!)

But this week my wife and I will be in Atlanta with an additional purpose. Actually it will be a two-fold mission.

As with almost every Together We Heal event/conference/etc., we will be teaching parents, guardians, and adults of various leadership and authority positions over children, on how to talk with kids about childhood sexual abuse and better identify the grooming methods of sexual predators.

In addition to this, we’re going to have the opportunity to lobby local representatives and their constituents about making a change that would have permanent, positive benefits for all of the children of our home state. We want to help them see how imperative it is that they pass a law eliminating the statute of limitations on all sex crimes against children.

I know, sounds like a no-brainer, right? Tragically, you’d be wrong. When myself and my wife were sexually abused as children, not one single state had such a law on the books. And it’s only been in last few years that states started passing said laws. Sadly, the pressure from “higher powers” had a greater hold on state assemblies than did the courage to do the right thing.

Based on Together We Heal’s non-profit designation, Federal law limits the amount of time we are able to spend lobbying for laws to protect children and assist victims in attaining any measure of justice. Therefore, we quite literally must make the MOST of every second of time we put forth on this type of effort.

So this week, we will be making one such effort at a DeKalb Women’s Meeting with 2 legislators in attendance. It’s our hope, that since we will be speaking to people who live where our abuse occurred, it will resonate with them on a more personal level.

That being said, here is the reason why Georgia needs to eliminate statute of limitation laws regarding sex crimes against children. And by the way, my personal example is just one in millions that have happened. I’m telling you my story so you can know that this happens all too often.

When I FINALLY gathered enough strength to come forward, name the man who sexually abused me as a child; I did what I was told to do, I went to the police because everyone said that’s what you do and certainly they would help me.

I went to DeKalb County Police Headquarters, the original one on Memorial Drive, and spoke with a detective in the Major Felony division (now called Special Victims Unit). After over 2 hours of excruciatingly painful memories being drawn out, vile detail by vile detail, it finally came to an end.

And that’s when she asked me the question she should’ve started off by asking, ”when did this crime take place?”

I told her from 1981-1984. That’s when she said the words that ripped my heart and stomach COMPLETELY out of my body and threw them in the sewer.

Her reply, “Sorry, but we can’t help you. You waited too long to report this crime.”

WHAT!? I WAITED TOO LONG?! How could I have done anything WRONG here?!?!

She said, “it’s not that you did anything wrong, you just didn’t know. There’s a law called statute of limitations. And in Georgia, since you didn’t come forward by the age of 18, the time limit is up and he can no longer be criminally prosecuted for the offense. No matter what he did to you. No matter how many times or for how many years. You’re just too late.”

Tragically the police, even when they genuinely want to help, have no way of doing so because of the laws OUR legislators keep on the books.

Ask yourself this simple question and let logic dictate the answer.

WHY?

Why would OUR representatives allow such laws to protect the perpetrator and further victimize the abused???

Recently a piece of legislation was passed in Georgia called the Hidden Predator Act (HPA). It was spoken of as some amazing Act, enabling any and all previous victims to come forward and get the justice they were for so long denied.

Turns out it was smoke and mirrors to make one Georgia representative appear good, but the bill is toothless and practically worthless. Although literally a couple of survivors have been able to utilize this bill, in a state of over 10 million, the VAST MAJORITY of Georgia victims will receive no such justice. Meanwhile, their perpetrators, and the ones protecting them, will remain happy all the live long day.

Why? Because the Southern Baptist Convention, Georgia Baptist Convention, Georgia Chamber of Commerce, the Roman Catholic Church and the Georgia Lobby for Insurance made it so. They “persuaded” YOUR representatives to remove all language that would give victims the ability to go after the churches, institutions, schools or companies that had any role in enabling, hiding or protecting the predators. By doing this it eliminated the possibility for almost any survivor to get representation. And with no attorney, no justice. Just all of the predators free and clear, to continue abusing, molesting, raping children and murdering their innocence and souls.

Most victims don’t have the strength to come forward, if they ever do, until their 30’s or 40’s, and by then it’s “too late” with the existing laws.

Sexual predators, Baptist & Catholic leaders, the Chamber and Insurance companies know this statistic, so their bean counters and leaders “convinced” legislators to orchestrate the law to read as it does. With the current language, it protects THEIR INTEREST.

And what, might you ask is their interest.

M-O-N-E-Y, NOT Y-O-U.

If these leaders actually cared about their constituents, parishioners, etc., this would not be the case. So to these “so-called” groups of faith and elected officials I say this…

“For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.”

If we work together to do what’s right, protect potential future victims and enable justice for past ones, then we must pass a LAW, not a temporary bill like the one that expires in a little over a year, that does what should’ve been done already.

That’s right, the current HPA expires July 1st 2017, and at that time Georgia goes back to being one of the WORST states in the union for protecting child victims of sexual abuse.

So pass a law that ELIMINATES the statute of limitations on ALL sex crimes against children. And include language that allows for another 2-year window, only this time enable the revival against organizations & institutions and cap the claims at victims aged 53 (18 + 35). Georgia’s current bill allows victims to pursue litigation against the perpetrator only, not the people or organizations that covered it up or assisted them in any way. This is the only way to truly begin to stop this epidemic of abuse, to punish their enablers. If these predators had no protection, they most likely would’ve been caught.

Some very smart folks, who could explain the math about capping the age at 53 much better than I, have set that age for the reasons of how long it takes for most victims to be able to come forward and the age at which the perpetrators would be at that time. This gives the best chance for as many victims as possible to get the Justice that’s been denied them.

And maybe just as important, to expose the predators so that they can’t harm another child. Litigation shines the light and truth on them and that’s what they fear the most. And contrary to what certain church leaders and media members would have you believe, Pedophiles do not “age out” of abusing children.  Fr. John Geoghan in Boston was abusing children in his 80s. The only 2 things that stop them are incarceration and death.

And to the people who inaccurately claim that enabling this 2-year window would inundate the court system with copious amounts of claims. I refer you to Marci A. Hamilton’s website for the facts – If you look at the “Relative Success” document and especially at the chart at the bottom, http://sol-reform.com/data/

you can see (1) the civil revival windows that have been opened against individuals AND institutions have not resulted in an avalanche of claims; (2) there are no false claims that have made it through the system; and (3) Georgia’s window has been relatively ineffective so far because it is only capable of being brought against individual perpetrators and aiders and abettors.

Want to know how many victims in Georgia have been able to file litigation against their abusers?

9

That’s 9 in a state of 10 million with AT LEAST 2 million victims. So far the Baptist & Catholic churches, Georgia Chamber of Commerce and Georgia Insurance lobby is winning. And Georgians are losing.

Going back to the question I had you ask yourself, what is the logic in these representative not already passing a law like this. What do THEY have to hide or be afraid of? If nothing, then it should pass unanimously, if not, then please give SERIOUS consideration to replacing your current legislator. Unfortunately, that’s the only language most lawmakers understand. Only when told they won’t be reelected will they actually listen to THEIR constituents.

I wish I could expose my abuser through the courts, but it’s too late for me. And because of this, he has gone on to molest, abuse and rape AT LEAST 7 others. Those are just the ones I know of. God and Frankie Wiley are the only 2 who know how many little boys’ childhood’s he’s murdered.

It’s too late for me, but there are approximately 2 million of your fellow Georgians who need your help. The only way this will happen is if YOU, make a stand, demand your representative pass this law or you vote in someone who will. It’s up to you. What will you do? Please don’t wait until it’s happened to one of your children or grandchildren. I beg of you.

Because I promise you, if you don’t, it WILL happen. The facts are the facts. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys WILL BE sexually abused by the age of 18. The only way this changes is with the ability to prosecute predators. The only way that happens is for the laws to be changed. And the only way that happens is when it matters to you. Will it be before or after it happens to someone you know; someone you love.

Don’t let this be another example of putting up a traffic light AFTER a tragedy has happened. You have the ability to do something now. Will you?

 

 

Copyright © 2016 Together We Heal, Inc.