Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. We provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal. We work to expose sexual predators and their methods of getting into our lives.
Sunday, March 23rd at 7:00 pm ET, I was interviewed on Elaine Crocker’s Radio Show.
In addition to recapping my story of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), we discussed the correlation between CSA and drug addiction/substance abuse.
Elaine’s show is called Experience-Strength-Hope
The foundation of her show is: Everyone experiences defeat, heartbreak, loss. Hear inspiring stories of perseverance from people who have found strength & hope in and through despair.
If you are a survivor of CSA, and/or have had or still struggle with substance abuse, or if you know someone who has been through this, please take a few moments to listen. My hope is that you find some information that will help you or someone you love.
Unlike the era I grew up in, times are different now. You WILL be believed, people WILL listen and help, healing and hope ARE available. All you have to do is reach out and we’re here for you.
Radio Show with David Pittman & Michele Rosenthal – Wednesday, January 29th, 2014
Healing and recovery with regard to childhood sexual abuse (CSA), says David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal (TWH), happens because “Ultimately, you have to make a choice.” For Pittman that choice happened when he was incarcerated for drug possession. Getting clean, facing the truth, healing and founding an organization that provides free counseling is the amazing transformation that David has brought to his life. In this interview we discussed:
David’s incredible story of trauma to triumph
How he cleaned up his act and turned his life around
2 things that help any CSA recovery
3 steps that can help you achieve success
The TWH mission and their “turn no one away” counseling policy
Radio Show Recording with David Pittman and Rachel Grant – January 29th, 2014
The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse
Discovering the Correlation Between Childhood Sexual Abuse and Substance Abuse/Addiction
We cover not only abuse and addiction, but also issues with sexuality, access to counseling, sexual predators grooming kids for abuse, churches that protect sexual predators, creating support groups in your local areas and so much more! Please set aside some time to listen to what I genuinely believe is valuable information for both survivors of childhood sexual abuse and those that love them.
A black opera singer, a religion/philosophy major and homecoming queen walk into a bar. No, it’s not the beginning of a tired joke, nor did they walk into a bar. Actually, they and about 5-6 other people from equally different backgrounds sat in a student center of a private, liberal arts university. This conglomeration of typical American diversity decided to call themselves “The Breakfast Club.” Those of you old enough to get the movie reference will appreciate what they meant. For those that don’t, all you need to know is what they were, what they thought they knew and what they would all eventually become would not always be what was anticipated, assumed or expected. Life is full of surprises that way.
For those, who at the age of 18, declare themselves as Religion/Philosophy majors, the irony in it is that they think they know it all already. And yes, I speak from personal experience. What I learned over the next 7 years, was that I not only didn’t know it all, I hardly knew a thing. And to this very day I am constantly learning more and seeing things as I never have before. Thank goodness for that!
How sad would it be to have at 18 the complete understanding of all humanity. What a burden to bear with so little skills as yet gained. Over those 7 years I lived a couple of lifetimes. The college years are like that for most. Like a whole other life. It’s where most learn what they really believe, as opposed to what mommy and daddy told them. Some fall in lockstep with traditional roles. Doctors, lawyers, teachers – then there’s the rest of us. Those who didn’t figure out what they wanted to be when they grew up. I thought I had. Finished with a degree in journalism. Was going to charge hell with a squirt gun and take on all the worlds wrongs and injustices. I felt the “pen was mightier than the sword” philosophy would serve me well as i headed into the profession of broadcasting and journalism. Silly thing happened along the way. Got a shocking jolt of reality. People, at least those in power, don’t really want some sniveling nosed youngster stirring the pot and messing things up. Then a very sad thing happened. I, like so many others, got disillusioned. You think to yourself, it doesn’t really matter what I do because nothing’s going to change.
So we settle. We settle for a “job” that pays bills. We settle for a spouse who will tolerate us. We settle for an apartment because we don’t want to sacrifice what it would take to get a house. We settle, we settle, we settle. Any of this sound familiar? What happened to those dreams and aspirations of our youth? Of being a marine biologist, or a romance novelists or whatever your big idea was? We got disillusioned and settled. Screw that Carpe Diem BS, I got a power bill to pay!
Then 1 year becomes 5. 1 kid becomes 3. And now your 20 yrs. down the road, kids almost grown, and you’ve quite rightly “settled” in to this life. So what now. And why now? Why now are all those thoughts from my childhood creeping back into my mind? Why? Because now there’s nothing to distract me. No midnight keg party, no late night rendezvous, no diapers to change, no soccer practices, no business luncheons, no nothing. Just me and my thoughts.
Now I have the time to remember all the vile things done to me by my abuser. And the really, REALLY crappy thing about it…it’s too late to prosecute them. For you see, back in “our” day the statute of limitations ran out by the time we were 18, or maybe 23 in some places. But it’s too late now. So why bother? Why? Because as you sit here reading this, and as I’m writing it, they are probably already grooming another little “you” and another little “me”. Pedophiles don’t stop. They don’t get fixed. There is no cure.
I still have the majority of those friends who called themselves “The Breakfast Club”. I’m blessed in that. And even more so, they all have been willing to join me in this fight to protect children and help survivors of abuse. So, it took me a little longer than most to figure out what I was going to be when I grew up. Better late than never, right?
So it’s up to me, it’s up to you, it’s up to all of us as adults to stop them. To do what those children can’t do for themselves, speak up. Name your abuser, if it’s a possibility. Tell anyone who is in earshot who they are, what they did and warn those around them. If its not something that can be done, then reach out to other survivors to help them. Help educate the public and those around you about CSA. The children of this generation deserve our protection. And I’m not asking you to do something I’ve not been willing to do myself. I have made sure all those who are around my abuser know EXACTLY what he did to me and many other little boys. Please keep in mind that I’m only asking this of those who are in a healthy enough place to do so. Not those who have just come to terms with what happened.
And I’m asking the same of every person reading this who wasn’t a victim of CSA, but wants to know what they can do to help. Extend your reach to help groups like ours and others, volunteer your time, give of your talents, your resources, whatever you have at your disposal to help those in need.
And once you have gotten to that place of strength and confidence, ask yourself…
…as Sean Connery told Kevin Costner in the movie “The Untouchables” when all hell was about to break loose…
The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse
Discovering the Correlation Between Childhood Sexual Abuse and Substance Abuse/Addiction
Join us for this free 90 minute teleseminar
January 29, 6p PT / 9p ET
Do you struggle with coming to terms with the pain of childhood sexual abuse and facing the demon of addiction at the same time?
Do you ask yourself, “Why me? Why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I was just a kid, why did you do this to me?”
If so, I hope you will join me for this teleseminar with David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal and beyond survivor of sexual abuse and addiction.
During this free 90 minute teleseminar, David will share several positive tools that are necessary for a healthy recovery from both childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse/addiction.
You will learn:
What are some of the greatest challenges faced by survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
What exactly is an “Abused Addict”?
How do you look to the past to give yourself a future?
Who or what is “Together We Heal” and how might they help me?
As a special bonus, David will leave time at the end of his talk to answer your questions, so be sure to join the call live. If you are not able to join us live, go ahead and register and you will receive the recording.
This call is perfect for you if: You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and have struggled with substance abuse/addiction or you want to move forward in your recovery but feel stuck at times and don’t know why.
It is David’s hope and desire for you to be able to come to terms with this simultaneous struggle with childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse. To realize that you CAN overcome the powerlessness you felt having been victimized as a child and give up the thought that you can control your substance abuse. You can make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
I hope you will join David and I for this free event January 29th, 6p PT / 9p ET.
See you there,
Rachel
Please sign me up for the free teleclass
The Abused Addict
I’m proud to announce Together We Heal is the sponsor for this amazing event in Sarasota, Florida on March 15th, 2014.
This is a one day event, a dynamic celebration of fatherhood. Hosted by NFL and TV Reality Star Hank Baskett, and Tampa Bay 10 News Anchor Reginald Roundtree. With VIP Special Guest NFL Star Plaxico Buress and more celebrity dads to be announced, plus other amazing speakers, experts; This collaborative event will celebrate, raise awareness, educate and inform fathers just like yourself about “real” dad parenting for the 21st Century!
Here’s your opportunity to hang out with inspiring and committed dads and experts who want dads from all walks of life to share and learn more about what truly unites us all – being the best father you can be.
I will be giving my presentation on “How To Talk with Your Kids about Childhood Sexual Abuse” and providing the accompanying Childhood Sexual Abuse forms to use to help better protect your kids from sexual predators. It’s an easy to follow, 7-step process that any dad/parent can follow to approach this delicate topic with your kids.
Make sure to get registered now so you don’t miss out on this opportunity to learn from some great dads and dedicated advocates and experts.
What are their names? Who are they to you? Your mentors, guides or tormentors? No matter their role in your life, they all had a significant impact on you…for good or bad. And whether they fell on the wrong or right side of the “life” tracks, they all shaped who you became.
For me, on the plus side; Granddaddy, Mom and Dad (Jim or RJ depending on when you knew him), Melvin, Doc Allee, Cindy, David and Mrs. C (although I could never call him David, only Mr. as I have so much respect for him), Ken, Fred, Ricky and Johnnie, and Susan. Each has been a significant contributor into the man I became. Who are yours? Write down their names. Think about their faces.
And of those, how many are still around and which are not and have found peace eternal? If they are still alive and kicking, remember what they’ve done for you and thank them. Let them know how much you appreciate their time, energy, focus and sacrifices they gave or made to encourage you along the way.
For those who are not…YOU are their legacy. They live on by how you live your life. Honoring their lives with yours. They live on in our memories, hearts and in some cases the lives of children they had. But mostly, they “live” through what actions we take based on lessons learned from them.
On the negative side of my life; Frankie, Madeline, Jeannie. And who is on your list? They too have a piece in this puzzle. If it weren’t for the struggles, adversity and pain caused, you wouldn’t have the endurance, fortitude and strength to know you CAN carry on in spite of what happened.
So why do I bring this up. It’s that time year again, New Years, and with it the onslaught of resolutions that will be mentioned, sworn to and then ultimately fall by the wayside by February. Unless, you really think about those people I mentioned. This year, forget about the gym memberships, junk food and drinking too many cokes. This year, think about these people. Think about what you have learned and how you can help others by living your life by the example they taught or by knowing how NOT to think, speak or act based on what you saw from their lives and/or how they treated others.
So here’s my resolutions. To remember the lessons my granddaddy taught me and try to be just half the man he was. If I do that, I’ll be just fine. To thank my mom everyday for being the amazing mom and woman she is and for giving me the opportunity to have a great relationship with my dad, even though at times he didn’t deserve it. To remember the good side of my dad and be appreciative of the talents he passed on to me and use them for good. To apply the lessons I learned about being a man from Mel and Ricky. And to apply the guidance that Doc, Ken and Fred gave me about being a positive spiritual or business leader. And to remember what I learned by simply observing Johnnie’s daily walk. To try and be as kind and tender-hearted as she is. Over the years we, or at least I, have become a bit jaded, and I want to be more like her, more sensitive to the needs of those that need and not to be so quick to judge. And for Susan, without her keen insight into addiction I might not be clean today, or even alive. So I will continue to lead a narcotic free life, one day at a time, and pass along to my fellow addicts lessons learned in the hopes of helping them avoid incarceration, hospitalization and morgues.
From those extreme challenges, those negative influences, I also need to take action. Madeline taught me a valuable lesson or two. First, that you CAN overcome ANY obstacle in your path when you face it in the right state of mind and with no hesitation moving forward. Second, that sometimes working within the system is more successful but takes longer and other times you simply have to break the mold, charge Hell with a squirt gun and challenge the establishment if your convictions and heart are pure. But think long and hard about which approach is appropriate in any given situation. Jeannie taught me no matter how broken a heart gets, it can eventually heal and you can find love afterwords if you open yourself up to it. And last, from the monster, Frankie, I learned that there is no tragedy a child can’t overcome. There is so much resiliency in the human spirit and in the heart of a child, that no matter how large the evil, goodness CAN overcome. But not without love and support from others.
To do all I can with Together We Heal to help my fellow survivors of childhood sexual abuse begin their own healing process and learn how to grow and thrive.
And there is one last resolution I have. It’s kind of important. As many of you know I am engaged to my sweetheart, my loving and kind Linda Mary. I resolve to be the man, fiancé and husband she needs and deserves. To show her that love every day in some way. And to let her know how much I appreciate her and am grateful for her love.
In actuality, there’s so many names of people that have helped me along the way that it would take up pages and pages. And I know I can’t keep you here that long, I’m thankful for you all. And I hope you see in my life the positive reflection of what you taught me.
It’s my sincere belief that if you make this type of resolution, if you do this, and I mean REALLY do it, the junk food, gym and other stuff will take care of itself. Be well, peace be with you all and may 2014 truly be a blessed year for us all.
This December 18th, at 6 p.m. PT / 9 p.m. ET, I have the honor of facilitating a free teleseminar with my friend, colleague and fellow advocate, Rachel Grant.
Do you feel worthless, undeserving, unfixable, or unlovable? Are you ready to let go of the pain of sexual abuse?
If you are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken and burdened by the past, this 90 minute teleseminar is for you. You will be taught the three steps you need to take in order to let go of the pain of childhood sexual abuse. Rachel will also share with you her secret to becoming a ‘beyond survivor’.
You will learn:
• Why sexual abuse is akin to an unhealed wound and the steps required to healing that wound.
• How your brain processes experiences and how this affects your thinking, feelings, and behavior.
• To challenge the false beliefs that keep you disconnected from your genuine self.
• To develop new ways of thinking in order to shift your focus, listen to yourself, and to use affirmations that really work.
• 3 steps, rooted in science, which will lead you out of the pain of abuse.
If you are not able to join us live, go ahead and register and you will receive the recording.
This call is perfect for you if:
You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and are frustrated because it seems nothing you do is helping.
You desire to reconnect to your genuine self in order to move on with your life and be the person you were meant to be.
It is my hope and desire for you to be able to make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
Please don’t miss the opportunity to join us and gain this invaluable information. As I mentioned, Rachel is not only a colleague, she is also my friend. I know how much she has helped me and I know she can help you too.
Together We Heal was honored to be the guests of Jerry and Jenny Boone’s radio show for Missing/Murdered/Exploited children tonight. Jerry and Jenny gave us the opportunity to share our message of hope and healing for all survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The show featured myself, two of our amazing therapists; Rivka Edery and Debe Arlook and our webmaster, web page designer and soon-to-be newest board member, Michelle Lea Anthony-Hopper. If you didn’t have the opportunity to listen “live” please take the time to hear, through the voices of TWH’s family of volunteers, how we are helping survivors of CSA.
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), and having heard the stories of so many others, common questions I hear are – Why does it feel like no one hears me? Or, Why does it seem like no one understands what I’m saying or cares to get it?
I recently spoke with a survivor whose abuse, just as mine, had occurred at the hands of a minister. He said to me in no uncertain terms, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to enter a church ever again because of what they have done to me. They denied it happened, they wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. They stole so much from me and when I cried out for help, I feel like no one hears me.”
It was a rare opportunity when one person can say to another, “I know how you feel”, and genuinely mean it. And I did know EXACTLY how he was feeling. For more than 25 years, unless someone died or got married, I didn’t darken the doors of a church. Like him, I felt betrayed, belittled, ignored, and no matter what I told the church leaders, not once did I feel like anyone was listening or cared.
That is until one day, when one brave minister had the courage of his conviction to stand up and defend me. But just as important, he took the time to listen and was patient with me.
And that’s what I have tried to relay to my friend and to so many other survivors. It only takes one person taking the time to stop for a moment and pay attention. To actually listen to what the survivor is telling you. You have no idea the IMPACT it has on our lives when someone finally says the three words we need so desperately…
“I hear you.”
Even if you don’t know or understand what we’ve been through, the fact that you’re taking time to listen makes all the difference in the world. It doesn’t take a degree in psychology or a license from the state to simply listen to a person in need. It does take some things more valuable though, time and patience.
Trust me when I say this, as a survivor of CSA, we don’t want pity or a pathetic look. All we want, all we need…is time and patience. Time; to hear what we need to share. Patience; to fully grasp what we’ve been through.
When those two precious commodities are given to us, it allows us to finally open up about what has snared our lives in turmoil and torture. It gives us the freedom to finally speak out about the atrocities committed against us. When given that chance, we finally have the one thing we lost as a child, Hope. And once there is hope, we now have within our reach the one thing we thought was incapable of attaining, Healing.
I wrote this article with two groups of people in mind. The first being those that know or will meet someone affected by the trauma of CSA. The second being my fellow survivors. If you are in the first group, PLEASE take a moment and give those invaluable gifts of time and patience. If you are my fellow survivor, WHEN someone affords you the opportunity to share, as challenging as I know it may seem, PLEASE be receptive to those gifts. We don’t often feel worthy of it, but believe me, you are.
When time and patience are combined, many beautiful and valuable assets are formed. As humans we look at items like diamonds and oil that require both and are valued in trillions of dollars. How much more so then, is the life of your fellow human when you give them the same care, and the same value. Time and patience, what’s it worth to you?
Together We Heal 