Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. We provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal. We work to expose sexual predators and their methods of getting into our lives.
This will replace the togetherweheal@ymail.com that was hacked and destroyed. As we all know, there are some bad folks in this world and one of them got to my account. This new email will be stored on our own server and hard drive so even if there are future attacks, I’ll have a backup of all info. Yahoo was completely useless in helping us. When we were starting up TWH, we didn’t have any funds for a business email account so we had to use a free one. I clearly chose poorly when selecting ymail.
It’s going to take a few days to get completely back up to speed with contacts, calendar, etc., so please be patient. If you have sent an email in the last 10-12 days please resend to the new email. I apologize for any inconvenience.
This December 18th, at 6 p.m. PT / 9 p.m. ET, I have the honor of facilitating a free teleseminar with my friend, colleague and fellow advocate, Rachel Grant.
Do you feel worthless, undeserving, unfixable, or unlovable? Are you ready to let go of the pain of sexual abuse?
If you are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken and burdened by the past, this 90 minute teleseminar is for you. You will be taught the three steps you need to take in order to let go of the pain of childhood sexual abuse. Rachel will also share with you her secret to becoming a ‘beyond survivor’.
You will learn:
• Why sexual abuse is akin to an unhealed wound and the steps required to healing that wound.
• How your brain processes experiences and how this affects your thinking, feelings, and behavior.
• To challenge the false beliefs that keep you disconnected from your genuine self.
• To develop new ways of thinking in order to shift your focus, listen to yourself, and to use affirmations that really work.
• 3 steps, rooted in science, which will lead you out of the pain of abuse.
If you are not able to join us live, go ahead and register and you will receive the recording.
This call is perfect for you if:
You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and are frustrated because it seems nothing you do is helping.
You desire to reconnect to your genuine self in order to move on with your life and be the person you were meant to be.
It is my hope and desire for you to be able to make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
Please don’t miss the opportunity to join us and gain this invaluable information. As I mentioned, Rachel is not only a colleague, she is also my friend. I know how much she has helped me and I know she can help you too.
Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA); Three words no parent ever wants to hear in association with their children. While nowhere near as tragic as hearing its happened to a child of yours or anyone you know, the responsibility of talking with your children about CSA can seem almost as terrifying.
Next to providing counseling for survivors of CSA, one of our greatest endeavors at Together We Heal is helping parents educate their children on how to better protect themselves from sexual predators.
A few months ago I had the good fortune of becoming fellow advocates and friends with a gifted children’s book author named Holly-ann Martin. In addition to the brief bio about Holly-ann, I’m listing three books she wrote that I highly recommend for all parents. Her books address three key issues concerning CSA: Privacy – Protection – Prevention.
Holly-ann is the founder and Managing Director of Safe4Kids. Her experience spans twenty-five years with the Western Australian Department of Education and Training (DET), in a variety of school settings. Her unique approach to child protection education is underpinned by a whole community focus. This focus is centered around providing safer communities for children through engaging school staff, parents and care givers, local police, health workers, Department of Child Protection staff and early years childcare and education workers. Holly-ann’s emphasis centers on developing a language and culture of safety for children and adults alike, improving communication and highlighting and broadening the networks available to children when they are feeling unsafe. The sustained delivery of these programs is the key to creating a positive influence on both individual and community behavior.
It’s NEVER too early to begin educating your children. If you’re a parent, be sure to pick up a copy of each and if you’re not a parent, get copies and give them to your friends that are.
As the wonderful person who shared this with me perfectly stated, “If you don’t need it now, you will at some time in your life.”
I have never said this before on the website, but…this is a MUST READ.
Its beauty is in its simplicity and honesty. I wish I had been given this insightful advice many years ago as I dealt with grief and loss of all kinds. Thank you Teryn O’Brien for writing this amazing article. I believe Teryn’s words, when applied, can help you navigate through rough seas.
Each year, Barbara Ochoa, founder of the P. Luna Foundation presents the
“Male Abuse Awareness Week” consisting of a week long series of guest speakers, culminating in the main event in Union Square in San Francisco, California. This year Barbara partnered with Trish McKnight of the Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio to produce the weeks interviews.
Wednesday, November 27th, 2013, David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal and Blair Corbett, Founder of Ark of Hope for Children, Breaking Chains, were the guest speakers. They spoke about their personal stories of abuse and how it led them to start organizations now working to help their fellow survivors and raising awareness about childhood sexual abuse.
Together We Heal was honored to be the guests of Jerry and Jenny Boone’s radio show for Missing/Murdered/Exploited children tonight. Jerry and Jenny gave us the opportunity to share our message of hope and healing for all survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The show featured myself, two of our amazing therapists; Rivka Edery and Debe Arlook and our webmaster, web page designer and soon-to-be newest board member, Michelle Lea Anthony-Hopper. If you didn’t have the opportunity to listen “live” please take the time to hear, through the voices of TWH’s family of volunteers, how we are helping survivors of CSA.
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), and having heard the stories of so many others, common questions I hear are – Why does it feel like no one hears me? Or, Why does it seem like no one understands what I’m saying or cares to get it?
I recently spoke with a survivor whose abuse, just as mine, had occurred at the hands of a minister. He said to me in no uncertain terms, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to enter a church ever again because of what they have done to me. They denied it happened, they wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. They stole so much from me and when I cried out for help, I feel like no one hears me.”
It was a rare opportunity when one person can say to another, “I know how you feel”, and genuinely mean it. And I did know EXACTLY how he was feeling. For more than 25 years, unless someone died or got married, I didn’t darken the doors of a church. Like him, I felt betrayed, belittled, ignored, and no matter what I told the church leaders, not once did I feel like anyone was listening or cared.
That is until one day, when one brave minister had the courage of his conviction to stand up and defend me. But just as important, he took the time to listen and was patient with me.
And that’s what I have tried to relay to my friend and to so many other survivors. It only takes one person taking the time to stop for a moment and pay attention. To actually listen to what the survivor is telling you. You have no idea the IMPACT it has on our lives when someone finally says the three words we need so desperately…
“I hear you.”
Even if you don’t know or understand what we’ve been through, the fact that you’re taking time to listen makes all the difference in the world. It doesn’t take a degree in psychology or a license from the state to simply listen to a person in need. It does take some things more valuable though, time and patience.
Trust me when I say this, as a survivor of CSA, we don’t want pity or a pathetic look. All we want, all we need…is time and patience. Time; to hear what we need to share. Patience; to fully grasp what we’ve been through.
When those two precious commodities are given to us, it allows us to finally open up about what has snared our lives in turmoil and torture. It gives us the freedom to finally speak out about the atrocities committed against us. When given that chance, we finally have the one thing we lost as a child, Hope. And once there is hope, we now have within our reach the one thing we thought was incapable of attaining, Healing.
I wrote this article with two groups of people in mind. The first being those that know or will meet someone affected by the trauma of CSA. The second being my fellow survivors. If you are in the first group, PLEASE take a moment and give those invaluable gifts of time and patience. If you are my fellow survivor, WHEN someone affords you the opportunity to share, as challenging as I know it may seem, PLEASE be receptive to those gifts. We don’t often feel worthy of it, but believe me, you are.
When time and patience are combined, many beautiful and valuable assets are formed. As humans we look at items like diamonds and oil that require both and are valued in trillions of dollars. How much more so then, is the life of your fellow human when you give them the same care, and the same value. Time and patience, what’s it worth to you?
In sharing my story, I often mention getting arrested and having to spend 30 days in jail for drug possession. The reason I do is to bring to attention how low my life had gotten due to the sexual abuse I endured as a child. I was in so much emotional pain, the only choice I saw was to try and cover the pain by ingesting as many narcotics as I could. This led to multiple arrests and the aforementioned time incarcerated. I didn’t even know until my last arrest report came out, but I had the following drugs in my system…cocaine, MDMA (ecstasy), methamphetamine (speed), GHB, ketamine, and heroin…all at the same time! It was a miracle I was even alive.
At the time of the arrests it felt like it was the worst thing that could happen to me. That is until it was clear I was going to jail, the only issue was for how long. Then came the day when judgement was rendered, and that seemed like the worst thing that could happen. That is, until my first night in jail.
And so began one worst day after another. While there, I encountered times where I didn’t know if I was going to make it. On two occasions my life was threatened and was moved from one cell to another until they thought I was as safe as I was ever going to be. I spent each of those 30 days wondering if I would make it out alive and scared out of my mind.
Then came the day of my release. Truly one of the happiest days of my life. Over the next few months I slipped on and off the wagon of drugs. I woke up one day and realized that if I was ever going to hope to have any chance at a future I had to get clean…for good.
So my dad helped me with a home-style rehab. He put up with all the nasty things I said to him, he helped me as I got sick for a week and all the while wishing I was dead, or had a “fix”. I spent a total of two weeks of the “worst days” of my life going through withdrawals and all that comes with getting narcotics out of your system. Then after about a month, I was free from the drugs within my system, now I had to get the garbage I wanted out of my head. So I started attending NA, and with the help of my mom, a friend and an amazing sponsor, I was able to work through all I needed to and can say now, I’m 8 years clean.
So why am I telling you all the details of all of the “worst” days of my life? Because if it weren’t for all those worst days I wouldn’t be where I am now. Now I am happy to report my sobriety from narcotics. Today I am working with my fellow survivors of childhood sexual abuse and helping them to find their own healing path. Today I work with some of the most amazing people who give of their time and talents to help others. And “today” would not be if all those “worst” days had not happened.
I couldn’t see it at the time. I never foresaw where those days would lead. All I knew was I wanted to live, or at least didn’t want to die anymore, and so I did what my program taught me, I took one day at a time and stayed clean “just for today” and it eventually led to now.
I’m telling more of the details for my fellow survivors to know there is hope, there is healing, and the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train. If I can get to where I am now, they can too. Together we can truly heal. I’m living proof.
The other reason why I’m being so revealing is due to a comment made by one of our readers…It caused me to have one of those Ah-Ha moments and led to this article. So I wanted to share with you the genesis of my thoughts:
“Thank you _______ for the reminder to be the encouragement for those in pain, the cheerleader when they succeed, and the friend when they just need…This was because _______, thankfully, reminded us to not only respond with comments to those with good news or progress in their healing and life, but also when the news wasn’t so good or as uplifting. As a matter of fact, it’s those times most of all they need to hear from us that they are not alone and we are here for them.”
So with that in mind, remember to share the good, the bad and the ugly…in doing so you never know which of your fellow survivors you might be helping, and assisting them in turning one of their “worst” into a “best”.
I am proud to announce a new partnership has been formed between TWH and the Victim Services Division of Palm Beach County.
In addition to the services, support and guidance we already provide here at TWH, we will now have additional resources available to current residents of Palm Beach County who were victims of sexual crimes anywhere in the U.S., or for those who were victims of sexual crimes that occurred in Palm Beach County.
I met this week with the Therapy Coordinator of the division and I can say with complete confidence and greater joy, they have an outstanding group of therapists and advocates who genuinely care for the welfare of survivors. I consider it an honor for TWH to be working with them and I saw first-hand what a valuable addition we will be to each others organizations. Our focus and goals are the same, as is our desire to help survivors of sexual abuse any way we can.
And most importantly they have the same model as TWH, they do not charge for ANY of the services they provide. Here are the new resources TWH now has access to, in addition to what we already provide:
* Education and information about Victims’ rights
* 24 hour crisis response to hospitals, law enforcement agencies and crime scenes
* Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner and a Forensic exam site ~ The Butterfly House
* Criminal Justice advocacy and court accompaniment
* Assistance with filing State Crime Victim Compensation applications and
Restraining Orders
* Information and referral to community resources, including shelters and Legal Aid
If you are in need of therapy, want the aid of a support group, or just need someone to speak with about the recovery process, we now have twice as many people to help you.
The only requirement for their help is that you either be a resident of Palm Beach County, no matter where the crime occurred, or that the crime occurred in Palm Beach County and you now reside outside the county, anywhere in the U.S.
Their website is – http://www.pbcgov.org/publicsafety/victimservices
Main Office : (561) 355-2418 option 3 – Monday – Friday 8 a.m. until 5 p.m.
24/7 Hotline : (561) 833-7273
Toll Free : (866) 891-7273
TTY. : (561) 355-1772
In addition to their English-speaking support groups, they also have a support group for Spanish-speaking individuals in need.
I cannot stress enough how critical this cooperative effort between our organizations is to survivors of sexual abuse. It’s one more step in extending TWH’s reach and capabilities and it’s all to aid our fellow survivors. And let me say again, just like TWH, ALL SERVICES ARE FREE OF CHARGE.
Please know if you are in need, there are people who will and can help. All you need to do is reach out and you will find open hands and hearts waiting for you. You may contact us first if you’d feel more comfortable, or contact them directly. Either way, we are both here for you.
This is the very reason why we are fighting to eliminate Statute of Limitation Laws on sex crimes against children. People like Gov. Brown of California are still protecting the pedophiles/sexual predators hiding within the Catholic Church and other private institutions.
Either Gov. Brown is ignorant of how long it may take a victim of childhood sexual abuse to come forward, or he is defending the pedophiles, either way he made a very poor decision and should not be Governor any longer. If you are a California voter, make sure he, or anyone he endorses doesn’t get another term.
Together We Heal 