*** Trigger Warning ***

I felt my wrists being held down. And then my ankles. I was trying with all of my might to get away, but I couldn’t. Then I saw his face hovering over mine and realized he was going to do this again. I screamed and screamed hoping someone would hear me but no matter how hard I kicked and fought and cried out I couldn’t escape and no one came to help me. I began yelling louder and trying to rip away from his grip around my hands and feet. But he was bigger than me so I couldn’t move. I continued screaming, “NO! NO!”…

…and then in an instant I was awake, still screaming, “NO!”

Thankfully my wife Linda was there to calm me and let me know it was ok. She spoke in the sweetest voice, “you’re awake now and I’m here, it’s ok my love.”

I was awake, but I felt far from ok at that moment. It’s times like those that make it seem like I’ll never really be “ok”. Even though I believe I am better now than I have been in previous years, its how I feel at times, still. I know that I am on healing path because of the love of my family and friends. But damn it to hell, how I wish the one that caused this could feel the terror he’s caused. Just for a while, I wish Frankie Wiley would feel the terror he caused to that little boy…and to the untold number of other little boys he sodomized and raped.

My faith teaches me there’s a life after this one, and for those like Frankie, what awaits them is what they deserve. But for me, for most of us, it’s simply not bad enough…

As I told a fellow survivor tonight, the reason I write about what I’m experiencing is with the hope that someone else who is feeling the same way will see they are not alone.

As I once heard stated and finally found attributed…

“What is most personal is most 

universal.”