Together We Heal

Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. We provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal. We work to expose sexual predators and their methods of getting into our lives.

Category Archives: GRACE – Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment


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Lament – A GRACE Live Conversation

In the words of Diane Langberg,

“Pain is the only protest in the human constitution that something is wrong.

It is the only thing that raises its voice against existing abuses.

If you jump to silence pain, you will fail to find the wound.”

Creating church cultures that are sensitively attuned to the protest of pain and offer space for lament can be a journey for all of us. Especially when facing the devastating reality of abuse within or near our communities, recognizing lament is not just an option, but an important pathway to healing and justice.

Join GRACE (netgrace.org) for a crucial Live Conversation on Lament on March 18th, 2025 at 12:00 PM EST.

We’ll be exploring why lament is a healthy and necessary practice for churches seeking to:

Support survivors of abuse and validate their experiences.

Acknowledge and grieve the reality of abuse within or around our communities.

Cultivate a culture of empathy and healing within the church.

Our guests will be:

David Pittman, a survivor of abuse in the church as a young child, who will share his perspective on the importance of lament from a survivor’s experience.

Phil Moore, a musician and worship leader, who will offer insights on how churches can thoughtfully and effectively incorporate lament into their worship and practices.

This conversation will delve into the “why” behind lament and provide practical insights into the “what” and “how” churches can lament well.

Don’t miss this important discussion. Let’s learn together how to create spaces where pain is heard, wounds are acknowledged, and healing can begin through the powerful practice of lament.

We look forward to having you join us for this vital conversation.

Register Free Here:

https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_DGmcrGCUSU6G8Yao4qGDPQ?os=ipad#/registration


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The Latest case of sexual abuse

Another in the latest cases of sexual abuse in The Church.

We’ve become accustomed to horrors because the next story is “just the latest.”

The latest case. Let those words sink in. Having to use those words should make you sick. Infuriate you. Tragically it doesn’t for most. Just as church folks have become numb to abuse, they’re numb to the words.

I was honored to join Johnna Harris on “The Bodies Behind the Bus” podcast this week to discuss the church, victims of abuse, and what to do.

You can listen on Apple:

https://t.co/HvqvZsV87H

Or listen on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/3HtJQ4YU1dgTwJI6cBdglm?si=LSw6AMw3S_yj_aQQdnCBog


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GRACE Live Conversation: Building Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Safety

This was the first GRACE Live Conversation of 2022 and the first of a six-part series on Trauma-Informed Practices in Faith Communities.

This was recorded live Monday, Jan. 24th at 1 PM EST.

We had a great talk with Robert Peters (Senior Attorney at the Zero Abuse Project) and Pete Singer (Director of GRACE) about Safety and Faith Communities.

Please have a listen and let us know your thoughts!

Please watch, listen and let us know your thoughts!


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GRACE Live Conversation: Building Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Safety

Join us for the first GRACE Live Conversation of 2022 and the first in their six-part series on Trauma-Informed Practices in Faith Communities.

Monday, Jan. 24th at 1 PM EST.

That’s TOMMOROW!

David Pittman (A GRACE Safeguarding Specialist and Director of Together We Heal) and Robert Peters (Senior Attorney at Zero Abuse Project) will be discussing Safety, the first key principle of trauma-informed care, from the perspective of abuse prevention and response within faith communities.

Register for this FREE live zoom webinar – https://buff.ly/3qH3IC4

More about David Pittman and Together We Heal – https://buff.ly/3Ig4qwm

https://together-we-heal.org/

More about Robert Peters – https://buff.ly/3KnstLC


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Addressing Sexual Abuse Within Faith Communities

With April being Child Abuse Prevention Month, I wanted to start it off with an interview I had the privilege of doing with Rachel Grant and her amazing resource for survivors, “Beyond Surviving”.

Do yourself a favor, check out her website. Rachel continues to teach me so much that helps in my own healing journey.

This particular podcast we cover subject matter that’s had an immeasurable impact on and in my life. Both as someone who was victimized by a minister and now as someone who is working to make faith communities safer for children.

In this Beyond Surviving Podcast, (Look for S6 E3 – David Pittman) we’ll discuss why I partnered with GRACE, and how that work is transforming faith communities so they can better protect children, better identify predatory behavior, and properly respond to those who’ve been harmed.

Today, we’ll answer these questions and I’ll have some questions for you to determine if your faith community is properly prepared.

Is Your Faith Community prepared to properly respond to sexual abuse?

How would they respond to the perpetrator and how would they respond to the victim?

Why would it matter to me if I’m not religious?

Where can we find resources to educate our church?

Link to the podcast:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/beyond-surviving-with-rachel-grant/id876092316?mt=2

On YouTube:

https://youtu.be/J5vowK2dn2E

Resources:

http://www.netgrace.org

http://www.jewishsacredspaces.org

http://www.together-we-heal.org

http://www.togetherweheal.wordpress.com

Contact me directly:

dpittman@together-we-heal.org

(754) 234-7975


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Can You Recognize Predatory Behavior?

This week’s article is the second part of, and provides a response to the question we posed last week…Is your faith community safe from sexual predators?

This week’s question: Can you recognize predatory behavior?

http://rachelgrantcoaching.blogspot.com/2018/06/can-you-recognize-predatory-behavior.html

 

If you didn’t catch last weeks article, you can read it here:

http://rachelgrantcoaching.blogspot.com/2018/06/is-your-faith-community-safe-from.html


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Is Your Faith Community Safe From Predators?

This month I am honored to be the guest blogger for my friend and colleagues’ website. Her name is Rachel Grant and she is doing amazing work helping fellow survivors of sexual abuse. So, for the next 4 weeks I will be posting from here with the link to her page.

 

This week’s post is actually a 2-part post, so stay tuned for next week’s section!

 

Please be sure to explore all of the excellent information she makes available!

 

http://rachelgrantcoaching.blogspot.com/2018/06/is-your-faith-community-safe-from.html


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A Woman of Conviction, Courage & Comfort – Barbara Blaine

 

As I once read somewhere,

A religious upbringing can bring comfort.
It can also turn a child’s life into a living hell.

Barbara Blaine understood this as much as any of us who experienced sexual abuse at the hands of the church while we were children.

I learned of the passing of Barbara Blaine, as I am sure many of you did, with the message from her family. But it has taken me a few days to be able to talk about her and the impact she had. I believe I can best express my gratitude for Barbara by using an example of one of our normal interactions.

A typical phone call from Barbara would go something like this, “Dave, can you meet me in Tampa Saturday for a press conference in front of the Diocese there? We just learned of a priest who had…”

This call would of course, come on Friday, the day before the request. And I could rarely say anything other than, “what time do you need me there?”

You see, Barbara had a way of being persuasive that no one could deny! And that’s part of why we loved her!

One of the other reasons we loved her, and maybe the most important, is because she had not only lived our same pain, but was one of the first we could tell. Before I could tell my family, what had happened to me, there was only one group of people I trusted with that information. Barbara Blaine, David Clohessy and Barb Dorris with SNAP.

You see, SNAP (Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests) was founded by Barbara Blaine. And when you’ve been betrayed by the church, any church, and your faith has been shaken or even lost, you find it difficult to trust people. Barbara was one of the very first people I felt like I could trust again, and I wasn’t the only one.

Thankfully, Barbara helped quite literally, MILLIONS of survivors of sexual abuse understand that they weren’t alone. I can remember the day I first called SNAP, and it was the first time I heard someone tell me these words…“you’re not alone David, we are here for you and with you.”

Thank you, Barbara, for being there for me. Thank you for allowing me that first opportunity to help fellow survivors through and with SNAP.

Thank you for being the original “voice for the voiceless” when it comes to clergy who have stolen the innocence of childhood. Thank you for never wavering when it came to exposing the cover-up of this abuse within the church. And thank you for showing us all how to tenaciously demand their accountability, while at the same time, providing comfort for those they harmed.

Decades before Together We Heal, or GRACE or any of the other organizations who do so much to help now, there was Barbara and SNAP.

We are all now working on what you began Barbara…and I hope we will continue to make you proud.

 

Below is the letter from her family.

Family-Statement-About-Barbara-Blaine-9.25.17


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Child Safeguarding Policy for Churches and Ministries

September is Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor Awareness Month. So it’s appropriate that I tell you about a recently published book I believe is a must-read. Anyone who has read this blog knows I am not a pitch-man for any product, but when we come across a great resource we let know about it. This book is one we consider essential.

The book is titled, Child Safeguarding Policy Guide for Churches and Ministries, and it was written by Basyle Tchividjian and Shira Berkovits. I tell you the authors names because I know one of them personally and have worked with him professionally. The importance of that information is so you will know what I know; that he is dedicated to protecting children and helping those who have been harmed by sexual predators.

If you are person of faith, have a position of responsibility within your local church or have a ministry of any kind or size, you need to read this book. It will provide you a foundation to better protect those most vulnerable within your care, the children.

This is not just some online checklist of “things you should or should not do”. This is a comprehensive resource that covers just about anything you can think of, and some things you aren’t even aware you should know.

Whether you have already developed a child safeguarding policy and are looking to find additional resources to update your knowledge base or you need to start from the beginning and build it from the ground up. This book covers the spectrum from understanding what abuse is, the indicators of abuse and those who harm children, all the way through developing best practices, how to properly respond to abuse and training those within a ministry.

I have read this book from cover to cover and I can tell you, from a survivor’s perspective, this is what is needed for those within the church to use as a “bible” for better protecting kids. I don’t mean that as hyperbole, that comes from my heart.

Please pass this along!

child-safeguarding


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Rick Boyer Sr. and Sexual Boundary Crossing

The title of this post is the story of a woman named Ashley Easter. I had the privilege of meeting her last week and I wanted to make sure our readers had the opportunity to hear her story.

As I read one of the first lines she had written, I completely related to her words and was taken back in time to the betrayal I felt within my own faith community as a 12-year-old little boy. Ashley wrote, “I used to believe that going to church and spending the majority of my time with church people ensured my safety.”

Our faith communities should be a place of safety. But it’s up to us to make them that way.

Please read and share her story with others. The point of doing this is not just about saying “oh look what a bad guy Rick Boyer Sr. is”, it’s about allowing another victim to read it and understand, “her story sounds like mine”. When this happens, it gives one more victim the ability to become a survivor. And that’s why we do what we do.

http://www.ashleyeaster.com/blog/rick-boyer-sr-and-sexual-boundary-crossing

After reading her story, please also take a look at their upcoming event called “The Courage Conference”. They have some AMAZING speakers and it’s going to be a wealth of information. Rather than my feeble attempt to describe it, I’ll just relay it in their own words.

The Courage Conference is a non-denominational event that will offer a judgement-free place for survivors of abuse (and those who love them) to gather and hear inspiring stories from other survivors, as well as how they are finding healing and moving forward in boldness. It will also educate pastors and church leaders on how to prevent abuse, and how to respond when it happens. We will offer a unique opportunity to hear from trained professionals and to connect with free local resources, so your church doesn’t have to do this alone. Additionally, separate pastor-specific and survivor-specific breakout sessions will be a voluntary part of the program.

http://www.ashleyeaster.com/courage

As y’all know, I don’t just post events, books, etc., willy-nilly on this website. We aren’t a mouthpiece for anyone nor are we a promotional site. When we share something with you, there’s a reason for it. That reason has been and will always be to help survivors. There’s no exception here with Ashley’s story and The Courage Conference.

Bless you Ashley for your courage in coming forward and for allowing others the opportunity to hear their story in yours.