Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. We provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal. We work to expose sexual predators and their methods of getting into our lives.
The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse
Discovering the Correlation Between Childhood Sexual Abuse and Substance Abuse/Addiction
Join us for this free 90 minute teleseminar
January 29, 6p PT / 9p ET
Do you struggle with coming to terms with the pain of childhood sexual abuse and facing the demon of addiction at the same time?
Do you ask yourself, “Why me? Why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I was just a kid, why did you do this to me?”
If so, I hope you will join me for this teleseminar with David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal and beyond survivor of sexual abuse and addiction.
During this free 90 minute teleseminar, David will share several positive tools that are necessary for a healthy recovery from both childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse/addiction.
You will learn:
What are some of the greatest challenges faced by survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
What exactly is an “Abused Addict”?
How do you look to the past to give yourself a future?
Who or what is “Together We Heal” and how might they help me?
As a special bonus, David will leave time at the end of his talk to answer your questions, so be sure to join the call live. If you are not able to join us live, go ahead and register and you will receive the recording.
This call is perfect for you if: You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and have struggled with substance abuse/addiction or you want to move forward in your recovery but feel stuck at times and don’t know why.
It is David’s hope and desire for you to be able to come to terms with this simultaneous struggle with childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse. To realize that you CAN overcome the powerlessness you felt having been victimized as a child and give up the thought that you can control your substance abuse. You can make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
I hope you will join David and I for this free event January 29th, 6p PT / 9p ET.
See you there,
Rachel
Please sign me up for the free teleclass
The Abused Addict
I just finished reading this article by Dr. Laura Kerr and wanted to share it with you. In it, she brings to light what all of us who have survived childhood sexual abuse understand all too well, that trauma takes a tremendous toll on us. I won’t attempt to give my own interpretation on it as 1) You are all intelligent thinkers and 2) Her words stand alone without me needing to pontificate. 🙂
Please read this insightful article on the underlying issue that faces so many…trauma.
What are their names? Who are they to you? Your mentors, guides or tormentors? No matter their role in your life, they all had a significant impact on you…for good or bad. And whether they fell on the wrong or right side of the “life” tracks, they all shaped who you became.
For me, on the plus side; Granddaddy, Mom and Dad (Jim or RJ depending on when you knew him), Melvin, Doc Allee, Cindy, David and Mrs. C (although I could never call him David, only Mr. as I have so much respect for him), Ken, Fred, Ricky and Johnnie, and Susan. Each has been a significant contributor into the man I became. Who are yours? Write down their names. Think about their faces.
And of those, how many are still around and which are not and have found peace eternal? If they are still alive and kicking, remember what they’ve done for you and thank them. Let them know how much you appreciate their time, energy, focus and sacrifices they gave or made to encourage you along the way.
For those who are not…YOU are their legacy. They live on by how you live your life. Honoring their lives with yours. They live on in our memories, hearts and in some cases the lives of children they had. But mostly, they “live” through what actions we take based on lessons learned from them.
On the negative side of my life; Frankie, Madeline, Jeannie. And who is on your list? They too have a piece in this puzzle. If it weren’t for the struggles, adversity and pain caused, you wouldn’t have the endurance, fortitude and strength to know you CAN carry on in spite of what happened.
So why do I bring this up. It’s that time year again, New Years, and with it the onslaught of resolutions that will be mentioned, sworn to and then ultimately fall by the wayside by February. Unless, you really think about those people I mentioned. This year, forget about the gym memberships, junk food and drinking too many cokes. This year, think about these people. Think about what you have learned and how you can help others by living your life by the example they taught or by knowing how NOT to think, speak or act based on what you saw from their lives and/or how they treated others.
So here’s my resolutions. To remember the lessons my granddaddy taught me and try to be just half the man he was. If I do that, I’ll be just fine. To thank my mom everyday for being the amazing mom and woman she is and for giving me the opportunity to have a great relationship with my dad, even though at times he didn’t deserve it. To remember the good side of my dad and be appreciative of the talents he passed on to me and use them for good. To apply the lessons I learned about being a man from Mel and Ricky. And to apply the guidance that Doc, Ken and Fred gave me about being a positive spiritual or business leader. And to remember what I learned by simply observing Johnnie’s daily walk. To try and be as kind and tender-hearted as she is. Over the years we, or at least I, have become a bit jaded, and I want to be more like her, more sensitive to the needs of those that need and not to be so quick to judge. And for Susan, without her keen insight into addiction I might not be clean today, or even alive. So I will continue to lead a narcotic free life, one day at a time, and pass along to my fellow addicts lessons learned in the hopes of helping them avoid incarceration, hospitalization and morgues.
From those extreme challenges, those negative influences, I also need to take action. Madeline taught me a valuable lesson or two. First, that you CAN overcome ANY obstacle in your path when you face it in the right state of mind and with no hesitation moving forward. Second, that sometimes working within the system is more successful but takes longer and other times you simply have to break the mold, charge Hell with a squirt gun and challenge the establishment if your convictions and heart are pure. But think long and hard about which approach is appropriate in any given situation. Jeannie taught me no matter how broken a heart gets, it can eventually heal and you can find love afterwords if you open yourself up to it. And last, from the monster, Frankie, I learned that there is no tragedy a child can’t overcome. There is so much resiliency in the human spirit and in the heart of a child, that no matter how large the evil, goodness CAN overcome. But not without love and support from others.
To do all I can with Together We Heal to help my fellow survivors of childhood sexual abuse begin their own healing process and learn how to grow and thrive.
In actuality, there’s so many names of people that have helped me along the way that it would take up pages and pages. And I know I can’t keep you here that long, I’m thankful for you all. And I hope you see in my life the positive reflection of what you taught me.
It’s my sincere belief that if you make this type of resolution, if you do this, and I mean REALLY do it, the junk food, gym and other stuff will take care of itself. Be well, peace be with you all and may 2014 truly be a blessed year for us all.
On Wednesday, December 18th 2013, it was my honor to have facilitated a tele-seminar with my friend, colleague and fellow advocate, Rachel Grant.
In addition to the topics covered below, there was also a Q&A session that had some extremely challenging issues Rachel and I addressed with the callers that I know you will find insightful and helpful.
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Do you feel worthless, undeserving, unfixable, or unlovable? Are you ready to let go of the pain of sexual abuse?
If you are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken and burdened by the past, this tele-seminar is for you. You will be taught the three steps you need to take in order to let go of the pain of childhood sexual abuse. Rachel will also share with you her secret to becoming a ‘beyond survivor’.
You will learn:
• Why sexual abuse is akin to an unhealed wound and the steps required to healing that wound.
• How your brain processes experiences and how this affects your thinking, feelings, and behavior.
• To challenge the false beliefs that keep you disconnected from your genuine self.
• To develop new ways of thinking in order to shift your focus, listen to yourself, and to use affirmations that really work.
• 3 steps, rooted in science, which will lead you out of the pain of abuse.
This show is perfect for you if:
You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and are frustrated because it seems nothing you do is helping.
You desire to reconnect to your genuine self in order to move on with your life and be the person you were meant to be.
It is my hope and desire for you to be able to make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
Please don’t miss the opportunity to listen and gain this invaluable information. As I mentioned, Rachel is not only a colleague, she is also my friend. I know how much she has helped me and I know she can help you too.
This December 18th, at 6 p.m. PT / 9 p.m. ET, I have the honor of facilitating a free teleseminar with my friend, colleague and fellow advocate, Rachel Grant.
Do you feel worthless, undeserving, unfixable, or unlovable? Are you ready to let go of the pain of sexual abuse?
If you are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken and burdened by the past, this 90 minute teleseminar is for you. You will be taught the three steps you need to take in order to let go of the pain of childhood sexual abuse. Rachel will also share with you her secret to becoming a ‘beyond survivor’.
You will learn:
• Why sexual abuse is akin to an unhealed wound and the steps required to healing that wound.
• How your brain processes experiences and how this affects your thinking, feelings, and behavior.
• To challenge the false beliefs that keep you disconnected from your genuine self.
• To develop new ways of thinking in order to shift your focus, listen to yourself, and to use affirmations that really work.
• 3 steps, rooted in science, which will lead you out of the pain of abuse.
If you are not able to join us live, go ahead and register and you will receive the recording.
This call is perfect for you if:
You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and are frustrated because it seems nothing you do is helping.
You desire to reconnect to your genuine self in order to move on with your life and be the person you were meant to be.
It is my hope and desire for you to be able to make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
Please don’t miss the opportunity to join us and gain this invaluable information. As I mentioned, Rachel is not only a colleague, she is also my friend. I know how much she has helped me and I know she can help you too.
Each year, Barbara Ochoa, founder of the P. Luna Foundation presents the
“Male Abuse Awareness Week” consisting of a week long series of guest speakers, culminating in the main event in Union Square in San Francisco, California. This year Barbara partnered with Trish McKnight of the Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio to produce the weeks interviews.
Wednesday, November 27th, 2013, David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal and Blair Corbett, Founder of Ark of Hope for Children, Breaking Chains, were the guest speakers. They spoke about their personal stories of abuse and how it led them to start organizations now working to help their fellow survivors and raising awareness about childhood sexual abuse.
Together We Heal was honored to be the guests of Jerry and Jenny Boone’s radio show for Missing/Murdered/Exploited children tonight. Jerry and Jenny gave us the opportunity to share our message of hope and healing for all survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The show featured myself, two of our amazing therapists; Rivka Edery and Debe Arlook and our webmaster, web page designer and soon-to-be newest board member, Michelle Lea Anthony-Hopper. If you didn’t have the opportunity to listen “live” please take the time to hear, through the voices of TWH’s family of volunteers, how we are helping survivors of CSA.
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), and having heard the stories of so many others, common questions I hear are – Why does it feel like no one hears me? Or, Why does it seem like no one understands what I’m saying or cares to get it?
I recently spoke with a survivor whose abuse, just as mine, had occurred at the hands of a minister. He said to me in no uncertain terms, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to enter a church ever again because of what they have done to me. They denied it happened, they wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say. They stole so much from me and when I cried out for help, I feel like no one hears me.”
It was a rare opportunity when one person can say to another, “I know how you feel”, and genuinely mean it. And I did know EXACTLY how he was feeling. For more than 25 years, unless someone died or got married, I didn’t darken the doors of a church. Like him, I felt betrayed, belittled, ignored, and no matter what I told the church leaders, not once did I feel like anyone was listening or cared.
That is until one day, when one brave minister had the courage of his conviction to stand up and defend me. But just as important, he took the time to listen and was patient with me.
And that’s what I have tried to relay to my friend and to so many other survivors. It only takes one person taking the time to stop for a moment and pay attention. To actually listen to what the survivor is telling you. You have no idea the IMPACT it has on our lives when someone finally says the three words we need so desperately…
“I hear you.”
Even if you don’t know or understand what we’ve been through, the fact that you’re taking time to listen makes all the difference in the world. It doesn’t take a degree in psychology or a license from the state to simply listen to a person in need. It does take some things more valuable though, time and patience.
Trust me when I say this, as a survivor of CSA, we don’t want pity or a pathetic look. All we want, all we need…is time and patience. Time; to hear what we need to share. Patience; to fully grasp what we’ve been through.
When those two precious commodities are given to us, it allows us to finally open up about what has snared our lives in turmoil and torture. It gives us the freedom to finally speak out about the atrocities committed against us. When given that chance, we finally have the one thing we lost as a child, Hope. And once there is hope, we now have within our reach the one thing we thought was incapable of attaining, Healing.
I wrote this article with two groups of people in mind. The first being those that know or will meet someone affected by the trauma of CSA. The second being my fellow survivors. If you are in the first group, PLEASE take a moment and give those invaluable gifts of time and patience. If you are my fellow survivor, WHEN someone affords you the opportunity to share, as challenging as I know it may seem, PLEASE be receptive to those gifts. We don’t often feel worthy of it, but believe me, you are.
When time and patience are combined, many beautiful and valuable assets are formed. As humans we look at items like diamonds and oil that require both and are valued in trillions of dollars. How much more so then, is the life of your fellow human when you give them the same care, and the same value. Time and patience, what’s it worth to you?
Our latest radio appearance was as a member of the panel for an incredibly important show on Statute of Limitation Law reform with special guest, Marci A. Hamilton.
If you have read any of our recent articles on the issue of SOL law reform, you know how important it is. And even if you have read the previous articles, please take the time to listen to this show. Marci is the foremost figure in providing information on each states current status and where they’re headed or leaning on the issue.
I cannot stress just how much she means to us, helping survivors of childhood sexual abuse, having any chance at legal justice.
Marci is an attorney and professor who’s leading the battle to eliminate the Statute of Limitations for issues of child abuse. She has served as constitutional and federal law counsel in many important clergy sex abuse and religious land use cases in state and federal courts, and has testified before numerous state legislatures regarding elimination of the statutes of limitations for childhood sex abuse. She is frequently asked to advise Congress. She is an author, lecturer, and advocate on the protection of the vulnerable from religious institutions. She is also a national leader for legislative reform, particularly Statute of Limitations reform through her website http://www.sol-reform.com — Marci is the author of “Justice Denied: What America Must Do To Protect Its Children” (2012). I can say, having read her book, just how important the information she provides is. Please be sure to read it.
This is MUST HEAR to get the info you need to fully grasp how out of control these outdated laws are and how they protect pedophiles/sexual predators and further victimize survivors of CSA. Let me repeat what these laws do and who wants to keep them in place – they PROTECT SEXUAL PREDATORS and RE-VICTIMIZE SURVIVORS of CSA. And the very people keeping them in place are CATHOLIC BISHOPS, THE VATICAN, and YOUR LAWMAKERS SYMPATHETIC TO PEDOPHILES. But don’t believe me; listen, read, research and learn for yourself.
In sharing my story, I often mention getting arrested and having to spend 30 days in jail for drug possession. The reason I do is to bring to attention how low my life had gotten due to the sexual abuse I endured as a child. I was in so much emotional pain, the only choice I saw was to try and cover the pain by ingesting as many narcotics as I could. This led to multiple arrests and the aforementioned time incarcerated. I didn’t even know until my last arrest report came out, but I had the following drugs in my system…cocaine, MDMA (ecstasy), methamphetamine (speed), GHB, ketamine, and heroin…all at the same time! It was a miracle I was even alive.
At the time of the arrests it felt like it was the worst thing that could happen to me. That is until it was clear I was going to jail, the only issue was for how long. Then came the day when judgement was rendered, and that seemed like the worst thing that could happen. That is, until my first night in jail.
And so began one worst day after another. While there, I encountered times where I didn’t know if I was going to make it. On two occasions my life was threatened and was moved from one cell to another until they thought I was as safe as I was ever going to be. I spent each of those 30 days wondering if I would make it out alive and scared out of my mind.
Then came the day of my release. Truly one of the happiest days of my life. Over the next few months I slipped on and off the wagon of drugs. I woke up one day and realized that if I was ever going to hope to have any chance at a future I had to get clean…for good.
So my dad helped me with a home-style rehab. He put up with all the nasty things I said to him, he helped me as I got sick for a week and all the while wishing I was dead, or had a “fix”. I spent a total of two weeks of the “worst days” of my life going through withdrawals and all that comes with getting narcotics out of your system. Then after about a month, I was free from the drugs within my system, now I had to get the garbage I wanted out of my head. So I started attending NA, and with the help of my mom, a friend and an amazing sponsor, I was able to work through all I needed to and can say now, I’m 8 years clean.
So why am I telling you all the details of all of the “worst” days of my life? Because if it weren’t for all those worst days I wouldn’t be where I am now. Now I am happy to report my sobriety from narcotics. Today I am working with my fellow survivors of childhood sexual abuse and helping them to find their own healing path. Today I work with some of the most amazing people who give of their time and talents to help others. And “today” would not be if all those “worst” days had not happened.
I couldn’t see it at the time. I never foresaw where those days would lead. All I knew was I wanted to live, or at least didn’t want to die anymore, and so I did what my program taught me, I took one day at a time and stayed clean “just for today” and it eventually led to now.
I’m telling more of the details for my fellow survivors to know there is hope, there is healing, and the light at the end of the tunnel is NOT an oncoming train. If I can get to where I am now, they can too. Together we can truly heal. I’m living proof.
The other reason why I’m being so revealing is due to a comment made by one of our readers…It caused me to have one of those Ah-Ha moments and led to this article. So I wanted to share with you the genesis of my thoughts:
“Thank you _______ for the reminder to be the encouragement for those in pain, the cheerleader when they succeed, and the friend when they just need…This was because _______, thankfully, reminded us to not only respond with comments to those with good news or progress in their healing and life, but also when the news wasn’t so good or as uplifting. As a matter of fact, it’s those times most of all they need to hear from us that they are not alone and we are here for them.”
So with that in mind, remember to share the good, the bad and the ugly…in doing so you never know which of your fellow survivors you might be helping, and assisting them in turning one of their “worst” into a “best”.
Together We Heal 