I’ve struggled with the following for a long time…trying to work within the system of the Southern Baptist Convention toward sexual abuse reform.

At every turn, it has felt like 1 fractional step forward, then 10 giant leaps backward. The moments when I’ve felt like one of the “good guys” would rise to leadership, or at a minimum be elevated to a place where something positive might occur, so many things went wrong instead.

Which has led me to wonder…who really are the “good guys”, are there enough “good guys”, and what does that even mean?

Don’t misunderstand, misconstrue or misquote me. I DO know some decent, honorable men and women in SBC churches who have tried to do the right thing, the Christian thing. So what?

Recent actions, not too distant history, and decades of indifference and antagonistic behavior tells anyone paying attention that having some “good guys” doesn’t mean much.

If only this weren’t true, but it is. If only SBC leadership behaved as if sexual abuse in SBC churches was real and critically in need of reform, but they do not. If only the SBC Messengers wishes were followed, but they were not.

As I heard a long time ago, “If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a very Merry Christmas.”

I can name a handful of those SBC “good guys.” I consider some of them friends.

But for every 1 of them, I can list countless others who are sexual predators, enablers of perpetrators, or are flat-out fighting sexual abuse reform in the SBC with every fiber of their being.

And maybe worst of all, there are all the other “good guys” who don’t have the courage to stand up against the crimes and criminals in the SBC. Their silence is deafening. Their failure to force the issue is soul-crushing and innocence-ending.

We can debate the “why’s” of SBC failures till the cows come home. Power, money, polity, whatever. In the end, does the WHY matter? What does matter, is that they DON’T. The abject failures of the SBC to protect children and their perpetual defense of predators continues merrily along.

I, and so many others, have given all we have to offer guidance and solutions. We’ve given our blood, sweat, tears and souls. It’s not that they don’t have the answers, they do! But their response? To backstab victims of sexual abuse every chance they get. The latest being the amicus filed.

Despite all of this, many of us continue the work of educating churches and caring for our fellow survivors. 

As I’ve said before, I don’t do this because I believe the SBC, Catholic, or other religious institutions will change, because I don’t. 

So why do I still work with churches? Because sitting in those pews are survivors/victims in dire need to know they aren’t alone. And because I still believe in the rare few individuals who want to help and are willing to act. I do it for THEM, not the institutions.

My dear friend Christa Brown expressed it this way:

“For me, the answer is simple: I believe truth is a moral force in the universe. By speaking truth out loud, we refuse complicity with falsity, injustice and oppression.”

“By speaking truth out loud, we affirm the human dignity of those who have been abused within this faith group — abused not only by the sexual violence of pastors but also by the gaslighting, coverups, duplicity and disparagement of so many others in SBC leadership.”

Good guys? Those two words are almost ridiculous to utter in this conversation. I don’t want to know who the “good guys” are. I just want some decent humans who will protect children, hold predators and their enablers accountable, and ACT like Jesus called His followers to behave.